I’m definitely a morning person. I have so much more energy and I think that my mind works so much more clearly in the morning. So unless I’m unable, looks like morning entries it is. For now. We’ll see how this goes.
I have this fancy, fancy coffee/espresso/latte maker. It was a Christmas gift two years ago. I love it so much but something about it is broken and it does this beeping-beeping-beeping thing after I make coffee so I have to unplug it so it will stop beeping. Well, this beeping thing has since gotten worse. Now it beep-beep-beeps before the coffee is even finished. Annoying and dysfunctional, but I still keep trying to get as much latte as I can out of it. And no, I haven’t really tried to fix it. I just use it a little differently now and unplug and replug, repeat, repeat, repeat.
I’m not going to go into specifics, but I’ve unplugged and replugged a certain relationship now so many times. It’s so dysfunctional, but like the espresso maker, I just want to get that last drop of goodness out of it, even though I know it’s broken. I keep plugging it back in, then unplugging, repeat, repeat, repeat.
A couple of days ago it was unplugged again. And for the first time…the VERY first time, I don’t feel desperate about the situation. I feel better. Fewer broken things (that I keep trying and trying to rig in some workable way without actually fixing) in my life.
And that’s all I want to say about that right now.
Tonight I’m hosting a little Girl’s Night. My friend Cindy is bringing another former colleague over for wine and girl talk. Her name is Adriana, and she just broke up with her boyfriend of 12 years. Can’t wait to hear that particular story. So we’ll have wine and then go downstairs to the coffee shop to hear some guy play. Cindy thinks it’s gonna be sold out, so she wants to get there early. This means I must clean the loft and get everything ready early. This place is a mess!
I’m off to the gym this morning. Can’t wait to get a good, sweaty workout in. Days like these are rare. Meaning, I normally loathe going to the gym, but I know I need to do it in order to not blow up like a big silver balloon-boy balloon. Today feels different. I’m looking forward to class.
I want my pooch to go away. I could see it yesterday in my interview dress. I left the loft thinking I looked so sassy and hot. I almost took a picture of myself (a la the friends-only “bang” shot from yesterday), but since my self-portrait skills are less than good, I didn’t. Plus, I ran out of time.
Anyway, between the two interviews I went to a bathroom that had several full-length mirrors so I could see myself at alllllll angles. I was disappointed. All that workout for what? A visible pooch?! Damn. Just goes to show, those scales don’t lie. Seriously, I can go around thinking I look goooooood all I want, but with these extra lbs. I realize that I just don’t look like I used to. And I want to. The sucky thing is, I was stressed beyond control when I was skinny.
It was during the EXMS days when we were figuring out how to live together and the ex-wife was in the picture, along with the kids, hanging out with us, and I was trying to figure out how to be a wife to this guy and be a stepmother and keep my job and I wasn’t sleeping at all at night… I know. All normal stuff, right? I was STRESSED!
So how do I get the stress body without the stress? Doesn’t help that I’m three years older, does it? Fudge.
Okay. Time to get rolling. I’m up and ready. Meanwhile, the head of my household needs a rest. He’s already had a productive day, what with meowing for me to get up and feed him breakfast. How exhausting!
Good day. And Goodnight!
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