November 20: the Good, the Bad, the RAD* in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Hello. It’s Friday, once again.

I am in a foul, foul mood and I want to snap out of it, but I know this rain isn’t gonna help. I’ve been on the verge of tears all morning, and I’m just frustrated. This time I can’t blame it on hormones. I’m just plain discouraged about, well, pretty much everything. I’m going to write it alllllll out, but then I think I’m going to need to find the positives at the end of this entry.

So, I last left off yesterday at rejection letter and zit. Then I went to my interview.

The interview was WEIRD and kind of uncomfortable. I was interviewed by TWO people (didn’t know it was going to be two people tag-teaming, and it’s not really fair, but I’ve been interviewed by as many as 7…but I’ve always been told if more than one person was going to be there).

Anyway, they were (????)…what’s the word to describe it? Intimidating is not really the word. If I said the name of the company you might understand, but I’m not going to say. I understand they can be highly selective because of their name and product, and that’s fine, but they just kept firing question after question at me in what felt like an attempt to trip me up. That’s fine, and I know I did well with that part. I just had this feeling that they were judging every little thing that I was saying (which, again, is fine…it’s just the WAY they did this…I can’t explain).

And to top it all off, I know I’ve already said this, but the salary for this job is less than half what I was making before. But I didn’t mention this: the hours normally start at 6am and involve some overnights. And they implied that it would take much longer hours over the holidays (understandable) and to get started and up and running. We’re talking 70-hour workweeks that should eventually go down to 50ish-hour weeks.

I mean, really? Look, it’s not that I can’t work hard because I always take pride in my job and what I’m doing. It’s just that I feel like I’ve put in my dues and scratched and clawed my way to where I got. It feels like I’m starting over from the bottom.

My self-esteem is starting to plummet.

They left it at (and I kid you not, this guy/girl team actually said), “We’re snobs when it comes to who we are, what we do, and who we hire.”

Again, that’s fair. Be who you want to be. But I can just predict catty behavior simply by their demeanor. I’m not in the mood.

After Interview II, I had my OKCupid! date. Here’s the RAD:

Name: CC

Age: 43

Relationship Status: Divorced a year and 1/2, three teenage girls

Occupation: President/co-owner of a group of restaurants

Length of Date: 6ish hours

What We Did: Met for a drink by his place, then dinner at a brand new (very cool) restaurant.

He Wore: jeans, white jacquard shirt, sport jacket, nice loafers

I Wore: What I wore to my interview: brown and cream wrap dress, MK lace-up boots that match my MK bag. Lots of necklace layers.

First Impressions: Attractive, but not really my kind of attractive. Fairly friendly. I think he was nervous.

Convo: Weeeeellll, it was okay. Again, I think he was kind of nervous. He’s incredibly witty and biting in his emails, but in person, not so much. And at dinner, it was really weird. See, he’d gone to the restaurant the night before with a bunch of his wine collector friends and ran into a doctor/friend of his. They talked and both determined that they were both going to be there again last night. They got the owner to reserve two tables next to each other so we could all talk and share wine (they are HUGE wine enthusiasts). And I was really happy to meet some new people, but it was very hard to talk with him…the resto was very loud. I was actually sitting closer to his friend than I was my own date, and he was closer to the other couple and talked to them a lot. I actually got kind of quiet there for a while, which was uncomfortable and awkward.

High Point: He told me I was much more attractive than my pictures, and I thought that was very nice.

Low Point: Not much of a spark. Not much chemistry. I am disappointed.

How It Ended: He drove me back to his place where my car was parked. We hugged by my car and then he kissed me. It was a decent kiss for not feeling sparks, but…….but….ugh. He tried to get some major tongue action going and I just wasn’t feelin’ it. I backed up and it was over.

Chances I’ll See Him Again: I know he wants to see me again, and I’m just not sure if I want to. So percentage wise, I’m going to say 50% at this point.

Lesson(s) Learned: Witty email conversations do not make for witty face-to-face banter. I also learned the reasons he split with his ex-wife, and that was kind of creepy and sad (involves strippers).

And the really special topper to this night? I backed into a guard rail with my car. Dented and bent the hell out of the back end of my car! Mutherfucker!! Seriously. Fuck me.

I was so upset that I stopped into the bar downstairs before I went to bed and had a glass of wine and bummed a smoke (this is the only bar I know of anymore where you can smoke…so I did).

In summary: