Gooood mooooorrrrrnnnniiing, my sweet diary!
Still in my jammies and my Fuggs (fake Uggs), loving this gorgeous day! Have I ever told you how much I adore the morning? It’s like a fresh, sparking clean start every single time I wake up. I wish I could keep the momentum that I have in the morning.
Hold please, coffee and oatmeal.
Okay, better.
The Sick has moved from my throat to my chest. Lovely. My throat’s no longer sore, but now I’m coughing and hacking and have to keep popping my ears. I’m still blaming it on CC for that invasive tongue action. Yuuuck.
He wants to see me today. I told him I’d meet him for coffee. I don’t know how I feel about him. Well, I think I do know how I feel about him and I want to confirm it today.
I am thankful that he gave me the name of a good collision guy. The guy is going to fix the damage that I did to my car after my date with CC (which pisses me right off–and CC feels guilty because he thinks he plied me with wine…and I’m going to let him keep thinking that). AND Repairman is also going to fix the damage I’ve already done to the front of the car (got in a little tangle with the security gate–grrrrrrrr!) for a fairly nominal price. Not only that, Repairman picked the car up yesterday and is going to deliver it tomorrow. Not bad, my friends. Now if I could only be more careful!!! What is wrong with me?
I don’t like OkCupid! much anymore. I’m not really into it. Seriously, after the fantastic emails from CC and the disillusionment that followed, I’m kind of at a loss.
I checked in on match yesterday, or maybe it was Sunday. Found EXMS on there again. It hurts, yes. But it hurts less and less. I wish I could get to the point where I could wish him well (in my heart, not in person). I suppose it would help me tremendously. But here’s the thing I do know: he’ll be fine. I don’t know why my ego is so inflated to think that he needs me–he doesn’t. He’ll find his way in a way that’s best for him.
I’m sure it’s a bore to read, but I’m still so surprised by the huge, HUGE weight that’s still on my shoulders regarding this mess. It’s not that I don’t want to care about him anymore. I just want to be free. I desperately want to move on.
I feel the same way about my old job. I find myself doing things that I used to do at my old job…writing some of the same types of reports. Keeping tabs of when the important milestone meetings would be and what I might possibly say in a presentation. I know I do a lot of this to keep my chops because I want to stay in this field, and it would help me–especially with my own business. But I find myself fantasizing about the old commute and my morning routine at my old desk.
How do I let go of these things? Why do I hold on so tightly? These kinds of things keep me from progressing and yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about how great my life was (seemed) back then.
And believe me, I know it wasn’t perfect. I only remember the fabulous things. As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about how shitty a lot of that was and how much better I could make it going forward.
Must. Stop. Dragging. Through. The. Mud.
Wow, sorry. I didn’t really mean to go there.
*shaking it off*
Okay, so the career thing. I went to my council group yesterday, and it was pretty good. We talked a lot about what we’d done since our meeting last Wednesday.
I talked about The Snobby Company and how they’ve interviewed me 4 times for a position that pays 1/2 of my old salary and one for which I’m not feeling a lot of love. Asked if I should just take a job for the sake of having a job, and my answer back was that I’d already answered my own question.
Job + shitty pay + no passion = Agony
THEN! I got a call from another company yesterday. It stemmed from a phone call I had over the weekend (before last). They are looking at creating a position for me. It’s not exactly what I want either, but it’s something that I’m actually really good at, and perhaps I could somehow morph it into something that I’d love. I don’t know.
The problem with THIS company is location, location, location. I do NOT want to live in this particular town/city.
The other problem is the guy who interviewed me. What a jackass! The first thing he asked me was about salary and told me that he wasn’t going to pay what I want! Um. Okay….how do you know what I want (I’d forgotten that I had posted my salary history–oops!). Regardless, I told him that I certainly wasn’t going to talk salary until after we’d talked about the JOB at great length.
We went back and forth. He tested me on my technical knowledge, and I obviously won him over. By the end of the conversation, we were buds. But damn!!
Guys, getting a job is a struggle!!! It’s harder than getting a boyfriend, that’s for sure!
And I can’t seem to get either right, so what the fuck?!
*ahem*
Back to good things.
I get to see Best Bud this weekend! I’m so excited about that! We never get to see each other anymore, and the last year has been a huge strain on us once again because of the EXMS shit (long story). BB has stuck by me through thick and thin and thick again. I just love her so much.
I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving. I was just thinking about how I was in Costa Rica last year at this time. What a crazy trip. I’m so happy that I’m staying put this year. 2009. What a year.
Seriously, the sound of 2010 is like music to my ears. A fresh new decade can’t come fast enough!
Photo: Another window in New York. This is a cool antique store in Chelsea. Loved allllll the shiny things I saw on my last trip!
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