The title is also my facebook status.
OK, look. I’ve continued to see SexyPants. I’m still cautiously optimistic, and while I haven’t yet broached the divorce vs. legally separated controversy, I’ve since found out that he’s had not just one but two marriages. I had a feeling…and I didn’t see divorce records for that one on his background check either.
But I’m not so bothered by any of that at the moment.
The thing that’s bugging me right now (and shouldn’t be because we do NOT have a committed relationship by any means) is that he called me tonight to say he was going to bed, and yet I can sneakily see that he’s actually online at the dating site. He can’t see me online. I’ve found a way to sneak around a certain barrier on this particular site.
I’m bugged because I’m bothered and vice versa. Does this make sense? Eh, whatever. Hell, I still go online at another site and even email other people, so why on earth should this bother me?
Dating’s no fun when you’re fucking suspicious all the effing time.
I’ve got much more to write, but I’m tired and just…ugh.
*Edit: Morning and I feel stupid. My sneaky back-door checking showed him him STILL online a couple hours ago and now and there’s just no way (he’s in a different time zone), so I’m pretty sure that he left his browser open and it’s kept him logged on.
[AM] noted that she’s proud of me for dealing with my shit and anxieties about my situation instead of stewing and now I’m just embarrassed. I wasted a night from stewing about this.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
But, I don’t think I’m gonna let my guard down with this one for quite a while.
** Gotta stop posting all my little insecurities here. Makes me feel so silly. I’ll take them private.
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