Man, after spending most of last week holed inside because of ice storms and snow, we get another one today!
My office was closed for most of the week last week, but today it was open (even though ALL of the schools and pretty much everything else was closed). I wasn’t about to risk my little car on the roads (that were closed anyway!), and neither were my counterparts at work, so we all stayed home.
I’d love to say I’ve gotten a lot of work done, but I haven’t
I’d love to say I’ve gotten a lot of cleaning done, but I haven’t.
I’d love to have written a million entries, but…
I’ve been doing a lot of daydreaming and thinking and thinking and thinking.
Oh! And while SexyPants was in town we did a LOT of lovin’. Ahhh yeah, tons of lovin’ last week. He went to Denver over the weekend to have his son and when he came back (during the Super Bowl), he was sooooooo full of even more love.
I actually like when he goes away for a couple of days and has a little time to think. He thinks about us! And when he comes back he tells me just exactly how much he missed me and how much he loves me, and things are getting very, very serious, folks.
The biggest example?
Well, my SexyPants had been drinking a little wine at the airport before boarding his plane. Got upgraded to First Class on his flight and drank a wee bit more while watching the SB on WiFi. When he landed, he was SUCH a sweetie. He’s a lover when he (a)gets in from a trip, and (b) has a glass of wine or two. He’s always SO happy and affectionate. Full of kisses and sweet nothings. I LOVE to pick him up at the airport!
He asked me if I would mind going to the tail end of a Super Bowl party at one of his friend’s house, and of course I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I was more than happy to go. But he winced a bit when asking me because he’s so used to the other person (i.e., his ex-wife) groaning and moaning about HAVING to go and do things with him and his friends.
Anyway, like I said, I was very happy to go, and I meant it. And SexyPants turned and said to me as we were getting in the car and as I was driving him to the party, “I love you so very much. In fact, I want to be with you for a long, long time. Really, I want to be with you forever.”
*gush*
Seriously. My SexyPants is like that so much of the time now. We are at the 6-month marker, and things seem to have taken quite a turn at this point.
And while everything is GREAT in the love department, I’m a tad bit nervous.
Because he’s now asking me the BIG questions and bringing up the MAJOR issues. The biggest one being children.
And you all know how I feel about that. Or do you? Because at this point I don’t either. *sigh*
You may remember that I struggled with the issue back when I was still engaged to EXMS. We debated and argued the point so much that EXMS finally gave in, I went off the pill, and we started to try…only to have him leave less than a month later.
I do know that us trying had something to do with his leaving. And yeah, he was an asshole, but I can see how it probably REALLY freaked him out.
So here I am again. In love with a man who I feel like (and he TELLS me) wants to plan a future together. Only I’m 4 years older. And I know he doesn’t want any more children–for the most part. I don’t think he’s saying “absolutely not”, but then again, I don’t know if I even want to struggle with this.
Look, I don’t really feel incomplete without children, and while I would LOVE to have a sweet dumpling of a beeb to love and to love me back, I don’t feel those aching pangs like I did when I was with EXMS.
Do you think I could have possibly grown out of my longing?
Is it because I want something with SexyPants and I don’t want to blow a good thing?
Have I really just given up that dream because of my age and the impracticality of it all?
If you have an opinion, these are not rhetorical questions.
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