…so guess I will start right here.
I found out that SP was lying/cheating/flirting/womanizing, etc. etc. the whole time we were together. Granted, it was always completely out of eyesight and earshot–while he or I were traveling, etc., so the discovery really threw me for a loop.
It began with all of the wedding plans. And then thinking about the future. And then the fact that SOS was about to move in with us. And how our future was going to look/feel/be.
The SOS part was troubling as his mental state seemed to be declining while he was in the treatment center. After 6 months, the center could no longer “help” him, so they were going to send him back to us a few weeks earlier than expected.
Trouble is, SOS had been speaking in a threatening tone towards both SP and me, and I expressed some major concern about feeling unsafe with the thought of a very unstable 6’3″ bipolar + Aspergers 16-year-old living in our home.
SP basically shrugged his shoulders and said that yes, I was going to feel threatened from time to time, but there was nothing that he could do about it. (!!!!)
Meaning: “I can’t guarantee your safety in your own home because I have made a commitment to take care of this kid”
I was shaken and scared.
All this was going on while SexyPants was on a trip to China.
I frantically started doing internet searches on bi-polar, Aspergers, ADHD, ODD, etc. etc. etc. and was finding no solutions that pointed to being able to live safely with an unstable, potentially violent stepson (who already has a history of violence). I was getting frantic.
Still, I figured that there would be a solution, and surely, this kid was going to get at least a little better before coming back to us. In fact, I knew that SP was just about the ONLY person he’d listen to.
Meanwhile, wedding plans continued. Save the Dates were mailed. Flowers and decor were being designed. Cake was being tasted. Music considered.
Really, once again, it was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Still, this nagging feeling in my gut.
Then, I went to visit Best Bud for a weekend of wedding dress shopping. We had a great time, yet I voiced my concern regarding the issue with SOS. Best Bud was extremely concerned. We spent most of the weekend shopping, drinking, and hashing out thoughts and details of how I was going to make my soon-to-be marriage work out with this unstable kid living there.
Still, I found a stunning dress, and even though I was a tad reluctant, the price was right and I was two bottles of champagne in. So…I went ahead and purchased and felt a little bit better.
Until that night when I talked with SP on the phone. And then we had a facetime session. And though I hung up the phone happy and tipsy, I woke with a sense of…I don’t know, darkness?
Something was nagging, nagging, nagging. My intuition meter was in overdrive. Something was completely OFF.
I actually prayed to God to shed some light on why I was feeling so uneasy. I knew there was more than just SOS. I KNEW there was something else. I prayed for direction. I prayed for a CLUE.
I’m not yet ready to go into all the details. Let’s just say that I almost wish it hadn’t been so easy to get into SP’s facebook and then his emails. I did something that I have never, ever done before, but I am still sickened by the things I found over the course of the next few days.
And then, it was time for SP to come back home from China. As you know, we were living together (officially for only 3 months!), and something told me to just get the hell out.
I left work early on a Wednesday, and my wonderful, wonderful parents met me on the day SP was coming back home. They helped me pack a few things and helped me out with a rental car, as I’ve been driving one of SP’s cars the last several months.
I moved into a hotel for the four days before I left on my own trip to Asia. And now that I’m back, I’m staying in an extended stay hotel.
I bought a new car. I’m looking for an apartment. And I can’t believe how quickly my life once again has been turned upside down.
I know I don’t have all of the story out, and again, you can only see only a tiny little blip of one side. But I have come to learn some of the reasons for SP’s “issues”. We are still speaking, but he is going through some intense therapy. I have been to a counseling session with him. He is so full of remorse. He’s reached out to his whole family, my whole family , his friends, my friends, etc.
Meanwhile, SOS attacked a security person and got arrested. He is in a juvenile detention center awaiting admission to another mental hospital. SP says he realizes NOW that SOS will never be able to lead a normal life and will never come live with him after all.
I don’t know what to make of it all. I don’t know how to help…well, MYSELF in this whole ordeal. It’s like, he’s made this “issue” all about how he needs help becuse he’s hit rock bottom. He lost his son and lost the best thing that’s ever happened to him all at once (his words).
But I wonder…what if I’d never been nervous about SOS? I’d have never found the other stuff. I’d never have seen.
I just don’t know where to start.
And I don’t know how to end.
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