Hi. Last I left off I was leaving for a therapy session. I actually kind of slipped out of the office while no one was looking. That’s not normal, but that’s what I did. The therapist’s office is waaaaayyy out of the way and I kept thinking…why am I doing this? What a pain in the ass. Still, I kept driving.
When I got to the office, nobody was there. I was terribly anxious and I knew that this lady had a lot of things going on. Perhaps she’d just forgotten the apointment?
Finally, she showed up and apologized. She had me only fill out a portion of the paperwork and then we got right down to business. I talked and talked and talked as fast and furiously as I could. I wanted her to get the whole picture. I don’t know why–I didn’t wait for her to ask any questions.
I was getting kind of frustrated thinking that I wasn’t going to get anything out of it as I kept rambling through my story.
And then, I finally took a breath and paused and she talked.
I didn’t know this because I didn’t have too much time to do my research and I just felt like I needed HELP, but this therapist specializes in Depth Psychology, and in particular, Jungian practices.
Now, I’m not very familiar with the works of Carl Jung. However, I have always been fascinated by dreams and the subconscious. And I want to know more. I am headed to B&N tonight after work to see if I can get some more books to read.
Here’s what the therapist told me about what I am experiencing right now: Conflict. And I mean unusually strong conflict that has me stuck. What she said is that I am feeling such a major conflict in my life that the best thing to do right now is to not move in any direction–yet. Not away, not towards…just let it remain for a while and eventually, something will bubble up.
She told me to pay attention to my dreams because they will tell me a lot. I have had such bizarre dreams lately. I can tell my subconscious is telling me things. I am having trouble remembering them and I know I need to write them down, but there was one in particular that was pretty telling. The short of if was, SOS was hitting SP in the head and I stepped in between. She told me that characters in dreams are all different parts of “us”. I’ll write more about that later.
It’s weird, because I was thinking about this conflict that I was feeling about SOS. You know, I was so conflicted about him coming to live with us before really knowing and without being assured that I would be safe in my own home. I was so worried and so consumed by this conflict that eventually, the “other” issue came up about SexyPants. I knew intuitively that there was something else.
I wonder if something similar will happen with this particular conflict that I’m feeling?
I started to write all about the conflict, but I just decided to delete. There’s just too much going on right now.
My heart is so heavy and I walk around with a lump in my throat 24/7. I am finding it very hard to work, yet there’s so much to do. I’m thankful that I have enough to keep me busy, yet…I am procrastinating somewhat. Time to get back on track.
I have eaten horribly since I’ve been back from Asia. Where I was losing weight for not having an appetite, I am now back to square one and have not done enough exercise to overcome this self-soothing.
Why? Why? Why? This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life?
I know there has GOT to be a reason.
I wish this conflict resolution bubble would rear its head sooner rather than later.
Please, please. Let the right path be revealed–again. I feel so lonely and alone in this process.
Ever,
GS
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