Let’s see if OD can stay up long enough for another entry. It’s kinda like a challenge these days to see if I can get something in under the wire. Can you see why I do my best work under pressure? It really works for me!
I love your thoughts on getting away! I’m inspired to go somewhere and pretty soon. Since I did not take my honeymoon (supposed to be on that sucker right now, sipping wine in Argentina), I have two weeks of vacay that I need to take before the end of the year. Where shall I go? *hand wringing and chin scratching*
Saw SP last night and had a nice, mellow evening. He spent the night and I couldn’t sleep very well. Not sure why, but I guess [AM] is right. I will always worry. What I’m trying to say is that I just can’t take it all on, like I’ve been trying to do. I’ve done tons of research on schools for his son’s needs and alternative opportunities, etc. but it felt like it had been falling on deaf ears. SP did nothing with the info, so I stopped for a while. If SP wants to take this on, he needs to step up.
And he finally is NOW because I think it is finally hitting him. My big fear at this point is that SP thinks he can do it all himself. AND keep his full time job that includes travel. AND still have this luxurious lifestyle. AND keep a sense of peace in his house. It’s not possible with SOS. Here’s what I believe will happen because I’ve seen it before, and I don’t believe SOS has changed all that much in the mental hospital:
– Things will be great for a month and SP and SOS will be happy together. They will do awesome father/son things that I know will do them both good, and that makes me truly happy.
– Something(s) will pop up with SOS. He cannot control impulses at all, so he will steal something from his dad (most likely a credit card) and misuse it and lie about it. SP will get mad and there will be a blow-up
– SOS will stress out and throw a series of very scary rants that I DO NOT want to be anywhere close to when they happen. They will get violent and SOS will punch holes in walls, throw furniture, break things (hopefully not SP).
– SP will calm him down until the next rant.
– SP will tiptoe around SOS and make sure that he does everything he can to keep his son calm.
– SOS will get in trouble at school because the kids will tease him. He will get so angry that he will pick up a rock and throw it at a window at the school and break it and possibly hit someone in the process. He will run away from the school and the person he injured will press charges (this has happened already a few times and there is still one lawsuit pending). He has been to a juvenile detention center for this as well.
– SP will come to his rescue, but not without tears and wrenching sadness about the future of this kid.
– SOS will get kicked out of school. He has been kicked out of every single school he’s ever attended. Every one.
– SP will find a new school for SOS and repeat the process until SOS does something really horrid that puts him back into the hospital.
– Repeat process until SOS is 18 (a year and 1/2).
– What will happen then? No idea.
Do you see my fear and worry? Is it wrong that I worry like this? I think I need to make this entry private. I feel so guilty for writing these thoughts down, but this is exactly what happens. I’ve seen it. I’m not really sure what else to say/do about it, so this is why I feel I need to distance from this kid and the situation. I am not only scared of him, but I am scared FOR him. I know, I suck for not having a positive attitude about this like his dad does, but I am an outsider. I did not hold this little bundle of joy as an infant. I do not feel that protective parental love for this kids. The only thing I feel is fear and some repulsion. That’s it. Private entry.
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