Ahhhh. Had a delicious dinner with Sexy Pants tonight. He invited me to a restaurant in MY hood tonight and asked if it was ok if SOS and he take me to dinner. I said that was fine…even said I’d be happy to drive his way, but no, he insisted on coming my way.
Turns out, SOS declined to come. Bonus! And we had a really good time. Had a few drinks, some delicious locally-harvested food, some laughs, some serious conversation, and then we headed our separate ways.
I have to say, this relationship is great the way it is right now. I mean, me, in my own space and he is traveling weekly and I don’t have to deal with his house, his kid, his stuff. Who could ask for more?
But I wonder how long we can sustain this kind of…limbo.
I think he might be sliding into old ways, but I can’t prove. I haven’t written a lot (about anything lately), but he has this ego thing, I guess. And he craves attention. I don’t know. I just wonder.
it’s causing me to have weird dreams and weird fantasies and weird thoughts of hiring a private detective. I’ve spent hours online looking for his secret email addresses and screen names, etc. It’s a bit of an obsession that I’m ashamed to admit, but fuck. What am I to do?
Do I marry the man? He is EVERYTHING I’ve ever wanted – we have the EXACT same sense of humor and tastes in food, fashion, fun. We keep the same hours, we have the same preferences in arts, decor, politics, friends, sex, etc….
If it weren’t for two big issues: the mentally ill and violent teen, and the threat of infidelity.
That looks bad on paper, doesn’t it?
Meanwhile, back at the bachelorette pad…
I am working on getting my place in cocktail party shape. Now that my sweet, elderly Tan Man has passed away I can buy new sheets and bedclothes, keep the place sparkling and smelling delicious, and I’m ready to have a soiree.
I miss happy hours and mingling.
I am finally losing my icky trauma weight.
The world is my oyster. I’m a lucky, lucky woman.
Work is insane, and I guess that’s the way it goes. Another product manager quit, and the pressure is on my boss. It’s a wild, bumpy ride, and I’m lucky that I’m used to wild, bumpy rides because I seem to be hanging on OK. There is potential for promotion pretty soon. I’m inwardly cautious yet incredibly excited. Stay tuned.
I’m tipsy. What a fun night! I need many, many more of these!
Tomorrow AM: Boot Camp!! Come join me.
I love you!
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