1) Choose your singer(s).
Any females that you choose must have two talents. These MUST be located between the neck and the bottom of the rib cage and be very noticable. Males must be as close to physical perfection as you can manage. Please note that the ablility to sing or dance is not necessary.
2) Send your artist or band for a makeover.
From this point on they must NEVER be allowed to wear any item of clothing which has not been approved by you or their stylist.
3) Instruct them as to what they must say.
Popular choices include:
I have not had a boyfriend/girlfriend for years or I have never been in love. These are important so that the target audience actually think they stand a chance with them.
I don’t have time for love. Go for the sympathy vote.
I plan to remain a virgin untill I get married. This will make parents love them as well.
4) In order to promote the new single/album/tour do something spectacular.
Popular choices are release a film, make a TV series, start dating someone equally as famous and desparate for publicity (Steps did this best with two members of the group), split up with boyfriend/girlfriend or admit to previous cannabis experimentation.
5) If really desparate arrainge a kiss and tell story to come out.
Especially if it is about the committed virgin.
6) Express outrage and allegations of lack of singing ability.
But under NO circumstances should your charges attempt to disprove them by singing live.
And finally. Good luck.
P.S. This is intended as satire and if you are offended please feel free to grow a sense of humor.
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