“Do I listen to pop music because I’m miserable? Or am I miserable because I listen to pop music?”
Rob Flemming, High Fidelity
This is a bad week. I mean, I’ve had bad weeks before but this week has decided it is going to take the piss. It’s not even as if it was the full week, just the last three days.
Tuesday: my housemates girlfriend finds out that her mother has breast cancer.
Yesterday: I phone my mum and find out she has an ear infection which lead to a perforated ear drum.
Today: I get an e-mail from a friend telling me that she has started cutting.
Normally I would give my friend advice but it’s all a bit too much. If you throw in the bullshit which is Valentines Day and the way I was feeling at the begining of the week anyway (covered in my last two entries) then imagine trying to be me at this exact moment in time.
I don’t know what the fuck has happened to me. Normally, I would be able to cope. At the moment it is just a big, fat nothing. I feel like disappearing, completely, The Changling has now left the planet.
Normally I would be able to keep everything in perspective. At the moment, it’s like everything is a huge celestial joke at my expense.
Which is why I am glad I started this diary. If it was not for this and being able to get things of my chest, I think I would do something completely stupid.
Hell I feel like doing something completely stupid anyway.
And anyone who tells me to cheer up finds out how it feels when a chainsaw is used to remove their head.
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