Top Ten Ways to Irritate a Teenybopper
Stage a public burning of pop albums
Tell them you think N*SYNC/BSB suck.
Tell them you heard that someone in a boy band is gay.
Tell them boy bands don’t write any songs or play any instruments
Tell them your dog sings better than N*SYNC
Tell them that boy bands are ugly
If they invite you to a pop concert, tell them, “No thanks, I’d rather go out and listen to music.”
Remind them of the Celebrity Deathmatch episode where Marilyn Manson killed Hanson and the Spice Girls
When they tell you they like ________, put your hand on their head and say,”Leave this child, evil demons!”
Tell them that pop is a passing fad and they’ll have forgotten about ________ in 2 years.
Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Pop
Hordes of screaming teenyboppers
They have destroyed the music industry
They have the audacity to call boy bands “bands” when they don’t write their own songs or play their own instruments.
Britney Spears really did get breast implants. (If you don’t believe me, check out some before and after pics.)
They are contributing to the decline of American music.
They have destroyed MTV.
Their songs are really annoying.
A lot of these acts can’t perform live.
Britney Spears acts like a slut.
Their songs are perpetually overplayed.
Top Ten Alternate Names for Pop Artists
Shitstaina Aguicrapa
Hagstreet Uglies
98 Sleaze
N*Suck
Breastney Fears
Backdoor Boys
Gayzone
LFBlow
Titney Rears
98 Grease
Top 10 Future Sources of Income for Britney Spears
Stripper
Playboy Playmate of the Year
Hooter Girl
Welfare mom
Collecting enormous child support and alimony from Justin Timberlake
Writing a tell-all autobiography about how her parents pushed her into showbiz.
Does a workout video that shows how to go from a B cup to a DD cup naturally.
Gets breast cancer and sues implant company.
Gets skin cancer and sues tanning bed company.
Spokeswoman for Hooked on Phonics
Top 10 Things to do With Britney Spears’ and N’Sync’s New CDs
Coasters.
Use them to teach your dog to catch a frisbee.
Burn some good music on to it.
Along with BSB and Christina Aguilera CDs, make a mobile for baby’s crib.
Cut them up into little pieces and use them to retile your pool like Martha Stewart did in the American Express commercial.
Target practice.
Small dart board.
Find a fan and play keep away.
Claim that it was the first one ever made and sell to a fan for a huge amount of money.
Dangle it by a string and see if your cat will play with it.
Top 10 Things I’d Like to Hear a Boy Band Member Say
“We think anti-sites are hilarious.”
“We don’t really love our fans, we’re just in it for the money.”
“We’re manufactured.”
“Actually, there were a lot of guys that could sing better. Lou Pearlman just though we looked the best.”
“Are you kidding? We can barely write our own names, let alone a whole song.”
“I would like to apologize to everyone for pretending that I look good in a ‘fro.” (said by Justin Timberlake)
“Yes, we do have dead poodles on our heads. Why do you ask?” (said by AJ from the BSB and Chris from N’Sync)
“I just went on 7th Heaven so I could score with Jessica Biel.” (said by Lance from N’Sync)
“Stop stealing our act.” (said by NKOTB)
“We admit it; we wouldn’t see that little girl because we’re pricks.” (said by the BSB)
Will
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