Taken from buffyguide
For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I’m stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I’m flunking math.
I’m eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin’ beer!
Vampires. Always thinking with your teeth.
Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species. And I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
Anya: I don’t have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well, gosh. I wonder why not? It couldn’t have anything to do with your sales pitch.
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?
Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don’t know which.
Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I’ve seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.
Anya: Men like sports. I’m sure of it.
Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that’s all you’ve learned?
Anya: Sometimes, in my dreams, you’re all naked.
Xander: Really? You know, if I’m in the checkout lane at the Wal-Mart I’ve had the same one.
I think it’s the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively I’m thinking face to face for the event itself.
Anya: I like you. You’re funny and you’re nicely shaped, and frankly it’s ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not… interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
It’s been exactly one week since we copulated. Did you forget?
I love a ritual sacrifice.
Soon he’ll be sweating. I’m imagining having sex with him again.
Xander: You’re a strange girlfriend.
Anya: I’m a girlfriend?
Xander: Um… there’s a chance I’m delirious.
So this is Angel. He’s large and glowery, isn’t he?
You don’t need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Anya (interrupting Giles’ story): I’m bored. Let’s eat.
Xander: Anya, we talked about this.
Anya (to Giles): I’m sorry, that was rude. Please continue your story. (She smiles proudly at Xander) Hopefully it involves treacle and a headmaster.
Why would a demon steal that car?
Come on, somebody bet already. I’ve got three ‘K’ cards.
You know you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can’t have Xander.
We were going to light a bunch of candles and have sex near them.
You’re not going away. Why aren’t you going away?
(trying to give Buffy a pep talk): Oh, buck up you! You kill the best! Go you! Kill, kill.
Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!
A year and a half ago I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Initiative soldiers. They live here. Experiments happen in the lab under the house that’s where they kept you and put in your chip. Let’s have fun!
I’m just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don’t even have that!
Anya (to Spike): Wow. That chip in your head means you can’t even point a gun? How humiliating.
Xander: Doesn’t work anyway. It’s a fake.
Anya: Can’t even point a decorative gun?
He’s a Viking in the sack.
Xander! You said you wanted to check the board at the unemployment office this morning. (Looks under the covers at Xander.) You can’t go like that. They won’t even interview you if you’re naked.
Hello there, little girl. We’re gonna have fun, fun, fun! Look, I’ve got Monopoly, Clue, and ooh, The Game of Life.
Anya: Crap! Look at this. Now I’m burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage.
Xander: That means you’re winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes, cash equals good.
Anya: Ooh, I’m so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?
Anya: So… um, you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same… physical attributes?
Suave Xander: We’re completely identical.
Lame Xander: Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over… Fingerprints!
Anya: Well, maybe we shouldn’t do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and, you know, just slap ’em back together in the morning.
I liked it the other way. Put ’em back!
Anya (to a customer who just finished her purchase): Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers of America called. They wanted me to tell you that “Please go” just got replaced with “Have a nice day.”
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It’s just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace.
We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?
Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!
Xander: Give me sugar; I’ve come to buy sugar!
(They kiss.) Anya: Mmm. We value your patronage.
I mean, I for one didn’t want to start my day with a slaughter. Which, really, just goes to show how much I’ve grown!
Are you stupid or something?
Xander: Just once, I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshipers.
Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares!
Will
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