Preparing for the interview:
Do:plan your route well in advance.
Don’t: think “Fuck it I’ll find my way there on the day.” Then end up completely lost and five minutes late.
Do:Wear suitable clothing.
Don’t: wear a ‘Fuck the world’ top, tight PVC hotpants, ripped fishnet stockings and ‘slapper’ knee-lenght boots. Particularly if you are male.
At the interview:
Do:Arrive in plenty of time.
Don’t: turn up 15 minutes late and proclaim “Bugger me, the traffic is fucking awful.
Do: Politely tell the receptionist who you are and why you are there.
Don’t: say “Fuck Me. Please. You are hot. I’m here to rap with the main man about a job.”
Do: sit quietly in reception until it is time for your interview.
Don’t: phone someone and ask about another threesome with them and their friend.
Do: switch off your mobile phone.
Don’t: let it ring with that song you heard in a porn film.
Do: shake hands with your interviewer.
Don’t: grab them by the ears and snog them.
Do: wait until you are invited to sit down before sitting.
Don’t: automatically sit in the most comfortable chair in the room
Do: answer all questions politely
Don’t: make every second word a swear word.
Do: ask about the following: salary, hours, breaks, bonuses.
Don’t: ask if you can fuck a) your secretary, b) your bosses secretary or c) your boss.
Do: politely shake the interviewers hand after the interview and say goodbye
Don’t: snog them
Do: politely say goodbye to the receptionist
Don’t invite them to yours for a night with the master of passion.
If offered the job there and then:
Do: politely accept.
Don’t: run around the room shouting “Fuck me, I got the job!”
If rejected for the job:
Do: ask if they will keep your details on file for future reference.
Don’t: threaten to bomb the place if they don’t change their minds.
And remember, if you are going to lie, make it reasonable. What are the chances of an Oscar winner needing a job?
Will
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