These taken from The Return Of Heroic Failures by Stephen Pile.
Fastest Failure in a Driving Test
Untill recently the world record was held by Mrs Helen Ireland of Auburn, CA, who failed her driving test in the first second, cleverly mistaking the accelerator for the clutch and shooting straight through the wall of the driving test centre.
This seemed unbeatable untill 1981 when a Lanarkshire motor mechanic called Thomson failed the test before the examiner had even got into the car. Arriving at the test centre he tooted the horn to summon the examiner, who strode out to the vehicle, said it was illegal to sound your horn while stationary, announced that Thomson had failed and strode back in again. Genius of this kind cannot be taught. It is a natural gift.
Least Successful Oil Drillers
Erecting the very latest equipment, Texaco workmen set about drilling for oil at Lake Peigneur in Louisiana during November 1980.
After only a few hours drilling they sat back expecting oil to shoot up. Instead, however, they watched a whirlpool form, sucking down not only the entire 1,300-acre lake, but also five houses, eight tug boats, two oil rigs, a mobile home, most of a botanical garden and ten per cent of nearby Jefferson Island, leaving a half-mile wide crater. No one told them there was an abandoned salt mine underneath.
A local fisherman said he thought the world was coming to an end.
Least Successful Fun Festival
In October 1980 Chichester hosted a fun festival that promised ‘a weekend that was different’. The organisers kept their word.
The British all-comers dog swimming race was called off when not a single owner entered his pet; the pie-eating contest was one by a man who comsumed just three and a half pies; the helicopter rides were cancelled because of bad weather; the parachute display was called off because the landing-site was too close to the A27; the Elvis Presley lookalike, ‘Rupert’, was delayed by a road accident, and when he eventually arrived there were so few spectators the act was shelved.
When by 3 o’ clock nothing had happened at all, a lively crowd formed around the organizer’s tent. Inextricably, they were not enjoying this feast of entertainment. Loud among the voices of complaint was Mr R. Farncombe who had come all the way from West Worthing:
‘I went mostly to see Rupert who was not there, for a helecopter ride we never got and wrestling which did not exist. Thank goodness we didn’t arrive till 12.30.’ He was offered free tickets for the next day when the high spot was a hot-air baloon which failed to turn up.
How to Visit Loved Ones
The art of visiting relatives was significantly enhanced by Dr John Fellows of Dorset in March 1984. Having bought a £600 return air ticket to New York, he flew to John F. Kennedy Airport. On arrival, however, he found that he could not remember his daughter’s address.
Most of us could have managed this, but Dr Fellows went one further and found that he was also unable to remember her name. Thus equipped, he spent several hours trying to recall it before catching the next plane home. ‘I was tired,’ he explained.
And that’s enough for now. The was one other thing, now what was it…
Oh yes. Over at Aint It Cool News they have pictures of the new X-Men 2 posters. You can see them here
There’s one for Wolverine and one for Nightcrawler. But I know you all really want to see the Rogue poster, with the shaggable Anna Paquin.
So, here it is.
Hello nurse!
Toodlies.
Wil
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