First of all, for your amusement 2:
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, “this sort of thing is all too common”. (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. “He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out “Heil Hitler”. (Bournemouth Evening Echo)
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr.Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces.” (Bangkok Post)
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Reuters via The Manchester Evenings News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a special branch vehicle, and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to ‘Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist *******s’. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. *******s has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his New name. (The Guardian)
Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled ‘for the sick’ is for monetary donations only. (Churchtown Parish Magazine)
Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.
Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, andgoing, and going, “Pinkie”, as his friends and family knew him, was alone at the time of his death.
An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had putthe bunny’s batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming………
And now for Harry Potter news. The second bit of news should excite you.
Spall to ‘star in next Harry Potter film’
Timothy Spall has reportedly been cast in the next Harry Potter film.
He will play Peter Pettigrew, a character that appears in both Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban as well as Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, reports aint-it-cool-news.com.
Spall joins Gary Oldman who is in talks to play Sirius Black.
Harry Potter 3 will begin production later this year.
Story filed: 16:52 Wednesday 15th January 2003
Harry Potter book to hit shops in June
The fifth instalment of Harry Potter will hit bookshelves on June 21.
The next JK Rowling novel about the boy wizard will be called Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix.
It will be even longer than the last, at 255,000 words. Goblet Of Fire, the fourth Potter outing, was 191,000.
And, the book will be 38 chapters long, one more than Goblet of Fire.
The title has now been delivered to the publishers, Bloomsbury and Scholastic, and will go on sale simultaneously around the world.
Nigel Newton, chief executive of Bloomsbury Publishing, said: “Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix is absolutely superb and will delight all JK Rowling’s fans. She has written a brilliant and utterly compelling new adventure.”
Teasingly, the publishers have revealed Harry will be told a secret which will change his world forever.
In the book, Rowling writes: “Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.
“‘It is time,’ he said, ‘for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything’.”
Story filed: 14:02 Wednesday 15th January 2003
Toodlies.
Will
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