Let me take you back in time.
It’s 1999 and I’m 20/21. Studying at college, working at the cinema and enjoying nights out with my friends.
Two friends in particular stick out. Lewis and Lindsey.
Now, Lewis fancies Lindsey. This much is obvious to anyone with working eyes. What a lot of people don’t know is that Lindsey, stuck in a relationship she doesn’t want to be in any more, fancies Lewis.
But I do.
Cos for about three bloody months, all I get from Lewis is how much he fancies Lindsey and all i get from Lindsey is how much she doesn’t want to be with her boyfriend and fancies Lewis.
On joint nights out and individual nights out with one or the other. Meanwhile, I’m struggling through college, trying to juggle college, work, Boys Brigade and dealing with an idiotic supervisor who seems to keep forgetting that I can’t work Wednesdays.
Oh, almost forgot to mention that, as you would expect, neither of them wants me to tell the other one how they feel.
Eventually, I get pissed off, drag them both down the union, get them to tell each other how they feel, go to the toilet and come back to find them kissing.
Now, I’ll return you to the present day. (You can tell I’m re-reading The Time Travellers Wife, can’t you?)
Two of my friends are Stuart and Jemma. Stuart fancies Jemma and has done since they met. Jemma likes Stuart as a friend but that is all, and he knows this.
Then, Stuart gets himself a girlfriend. The first I know about this is when another mutual friend tells me he’s going on a date and won’t be at kareoke. Jemma arrives, says about Stuart being busy, I say he’s on a date.
And all hell breaks loose.
Jemma freaks. She’s a) single and pissed off about it, b) upset at the way she found out (which I don’t really blame her for) and c) paranoid that because stuart now has a girlfriend he’ll stop hanging out with her (which has happened to her before).
I manage to calm her down and we have a good night. Until stuart turns up.
Then the three of us head to a nightclub. Stuart is talking to me and to Jemma through me. His assumption is that she’s jealous that he’s going out with someone Not Her. Jemma’s only speaking to me and I feel like I’m back in time.
This time, I’m trying to get two friends who don’t want to lose touch with each other to stop being so bloody stupid and work things out, my computer is still playing up (the process of loading the files to the online drive is taking longer than I thought it would and I was right about my external drive BSODing my laptop) and I want to get it done so I can do some writing, I owe my landlord money for my rent which I can’t afford to give him and there’s almost no prospect of work in Boro except the bloody call centre. So, I’m a little bit stressed and really don’t need this.
So, I point out to him that she’s not jealous, she’s worried about losing him as a friend (and not just him, another mutual friend whos’ just got a girlfriend as well) and the shitty way she found out about the new girlfriend. I point out to her that she is acting as if she’s jealous and that yes, it does suck that everyone else is getting together with someone (well, except me and her) but that’s just life.
I then go for a smoke, hopeing they’ll actually talk.
Come back and she’s still ignoring her. I’m getting really pissed off at her about this and, before going for another smoke, beg her to let him speak, if only for the sake of my sanity. I come back, get sent to the bar. When I return they’re both dancing to Madness. (Wednesday nights at The Crown is ’80’s night. I think it’s great.)
We end the night by getting food, going back to mine, listening to music and chatting.
I swear I should be working as a peacekeeper for the UN. My talents are wasted here.
And now I’m going to go watch some improv comedy.
Will
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