10 ways to annoy cold callers in OD

10. Answer the phone with “Blue bear, blue bear, this is red bull”, and before agreeing on having a conversation, get them to say the ‘secret phrase’

9. Agree with something they never said: “Yeah, shoot em all. It’s the only language they understand”

8. Answer the phone with “Chello, Mexican embassy? *sneeze* Chow can I chelp joo?”

7. Answer the phone with “Jim’s taxidermy? You snuff ’em, we stuff ’em!”

6. Shout every third word of your sentence. Or do it in some sort of Fibonachi sequence.

5. Mimic the accent of the other guy on the phone. Works particularly well with Northerners.

4. Pretend they have called the local Chinese restaurant, and keep confirming with them that they want “Number Fifree free wiv rice”.

3. Cry down the phone and keep asking them why nobody understands your ‘crippling emotional dysfunction’.

2. Keep asking ‘why?’ at everything they say.

1. Pretend to be interested in what they are saying, then slowly make the conversation more and more surreal. Some suggestions include:
a. pretending you are interested in taking a loan because you are an international criminal who spent too much money trying to kill James Bond, before realising that he doesn’t exist.
b. pretending you are interested in double glazing in order to ‘stop the bees getting me’
c. pretending you need that new car loan in order to drive to your new giraffe farm. Those giraffes won’t be able to teach themselves the harmonicca, eh!

Will

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