Theme in OD

“Were you bullied as a kid? What effect, if any, did it have on your adult life?”

You know how they say that your schooldays are the best days of your life?

They’re not when you are small, smart, nerdy and a bookworm.

I know. That, unfortunately, was me.

There was a bit of bullying throughout school (most of which, at one point, was by a female) but from Primary 7 onwards, it was constant.

I really don’t know what changed from Primary 6 to 7, but it did escalate. Then I moved up to academy. All hell broke loose.

Mainly name calling, but there was a fair bit of physical bullying as well. I used to dread PE when we had swimming (despite loving swimming itself) because of what I knew was going to happen. Holding me under water was a particular favourite past time.

Actually, PE in general allowed all manor of things to be done to me.

I remember one particular maths class in second year. It seemed like everyone had decided it was hunting season and I was the target. Right on front of the teacher. How the hell she didn’t see anything is completely beyond me.

The plan was to repeat it the following week, a plan that was thwarted when the note being passed round, on which it was detailed what people were going to do to me, was handed to the teacher by one of my very few friends.

And so on, and so on. I dreaded going to school in the morning and celebrated the end of each day.

All that really happened was that I tried to hide. I tried not to draw attention to myself.

Which, paradoxically, made things worse.

And people wonder why I left school as soon as I possibly could.

Since then, it has improved. I was occasionally bullied at my various jobs, but it hasn’t happened for a long while and, touch wood, it won’t occur again.

As for if it’s affected my life? Of course it has. How could it not?

To this day, I’m not particularly good in groups. I’m happier on my own, listening to music while at work and sitting on my own reading a book down the pub. Or with one or two friends.

I’m shy. I’m almost chronically shy. I am very careful about what I say, so that people won’t take the piss out of me. I am hyper aware of my surroundings, always keeping my eye out for anything that could lead to problems.

It’s very, very, very hard for me to make friends simply because it’s hard for me to trust people. It’s telling that most of my friends are a)people I met through mutual friends, b)people I work with or c)people I started talking to online. It’s literally the only way I meet new people and actually talk to them.

Still, I don’t get upset when someone insults me cos chances are I’ve been called that many, many times before. So, there’s that.

Will