I am livid. Very rarely have I ever come home in such a state, especially at the end of a workday, but here I am. I have reached a point where I don't know if all the effort I'm exerting at work is appreciated or even worth the trouble anymore. Mine is the kind of job where when people aren't there (i.e. on vacation, on extended sick leave), those of us who are there are essentially gifted the work that should've gone to those folks, those who couldn't be bothered to be in the office on any given week. The way that I'm seeing this, this basically means that those of us who don't take any vacation or otherwise any kind of extended time off, are the ones who are just being consistently fed work, with seemingly no end in sight. I am being punished, in a way, because I don't go anywhere and I'm constantly being given work that could just as well go to other workers.
Vonda recently got married and had been away from the office for the past 10 days. Who would marry this wretch of a woman is beyond me, but she's one of two of my immediate coworkers who goes on vacation every other month. Kyra is the other one. Kyra was the one who took a month off starting in late November, after she complained to management, because Morie wouldn't approve her four-week vacation. Typically, the department does not approve such a lengthy vacation and when Morie essentially told her that she couldn't take a month off, Kyra did not hesitate to bitch and whine to upper management. And just like that, Morie was overruled and the bitch that is Kyra was granted a month-long vacation. It was during the month of December and even November where my workload piled up and as of this writing, I am trying so desperately to dig out of this seemingly massive crater in which I find myself. I've never been the type to give up, but I think that I'm almost there.
Maybe this is a sign of the times?
I can't do my work with the same kind of high quality and polish that I've done for years anymore. It's no longer appreciated. It takes too long and I'm no longer as efficient as I used to be. Today, mediocrity has taken over. Impressive vocabularies mean nothing. Can't use big words anymore. More than three syllables? Fuck it. Quality writing? Nobody cares. Varied word choice? Nope, it takes too long to put together a good sentence. Morie has allowed the bar to be lowered, so low, in fact that the bar is just being kicked along the ground now. There is no bar. You run the risk of tripping and falling over it. Subpar work has prevailed. I am a relic. A reminder of what once was. I can't be stellar anymore. I have to be bland like everyone else. I can no longer show my mastery of language and demonstrate my ability to put sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs into full-blown, meaningful reports.
What does this mean for me?
I've come to the sad and tragic realization that I have to devolve.
I will have to adhere to this newly accepted mediocrity or risk sinking further into the hole in which I currently find myself. I hate having to do this, but I don't think I have much choice. Gone are the complex sentences I used to use and the vocabulary I know I could use but shouldn't. It's impressive, sure, but in the end, nobody cares. I will have to dummy down my work, all for the sake of catching up and climbing out of the hole in which I have been tossed. I have to forget pride because being proud of the work I do is no longer conducive to my being efficient anymore. I will have to rely on getting by in doing the bare minimum, which I've discovered so many people have already been doing.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I truly am frustrated. I don't have much recourse at this point.
In order for me to survive, I have to lower my standards and be like everyone else. Plain. Simple. Boring as fuck. I hate to do it, but I'm going to keep sinking if I don't.
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