troubles in Depression

Hating myself so much. So I texted the best friend yesterday saying that “are we ever going to talk again? :(” and that I missed her. She then tells me that I abandoned her in a time of need which was “bloody awful” so I said that she insulted my family which was also “bloody awful”. She basically said that what she said was right and needed to be said. And that I left her for over a week when she’d just found out that her dog she’s had since she was a child has cancer and would die soon. So I said that she was over the line and she told me to tell her that before if she ever crossed it and to stick up for myself. So I fucki ng tried and it still puts me in the wrong. But I did apologize for not talking to her for over a week, I was waiting for her to apologize to me before talking to her. But as usual I caved first and I’m the one apologizing even though she should as well. I’m so damn pissed off but also terrified of losing her