An update of sorts... in All of Me

I swear I will try to write more often.

Where do I begin ?For whatever reason.i have trouble writing on my phone.It doesn’t feel
The same as a computer,but I don’t have my computer right now.I lent it to my friend.

Basically,I keep thinking I have moved on from Terrence ,from our lives together,from our little family.I haven’t,actually.It has been a year and three months !Yet I know there is no time limit on grief and healing.I just feel so messed up from all of it,so damaged…I still miss Kel every day. Did I mention that Terrence was texting me two months ago,talking about wanting to get back together,going to counseling,and all that.He proclaimed that I was the love of his life and that he feels a void from when I left !Thank goodness I didn’t agree to all this ,because he is engaged now!That means he either was with his fiancée when texting me all that nonsense,or that he met her and got engaged I two months.

Not so coincidentally I’m sure ,Kels mom FB friend requested me!I didn’t accept ,so she messaged me that she wanted to know my involvement with her son,that she is aware Terrence and I are no longer together,and that she wanted me to know lies were made up.I told Terrence what happened.This was before I knew he was engaged. He texted back that she is a bad person and likes to start shit .He said nothing about being engaged.I found out because I checked his FB a few days later.He changed his cover photo a few days before to a pic of his hand and a woman’s hand,clasped together with an engagement ring. I messAged baby mama back “I assure you Kel is very well taken care of and Terrence is a loving father.We did not work out,but I have a lot of love and respect for Terrence and your son.” Or something to that effect-not those exact words.I felt like it was a good way to say “fuck you “in a way that doesn’t actually say it.

How do I feel about Terrence’s engagement ?um,I want him to be happy.I do.I wasn’t the one for him,and I knew that for an embarrassingly long time before we broke up .It just hurts.I put my everything into the relationship,into his baby,and trying to be a family.I failed.I was not enough. he never wanted to buy me anything nice and he bought this girl a ring and he wants to marry her. I know it’s irrational and I feel like he probably hasn’t changed much.I wonder if his mom likes her. i miss Kel.

I had a date with a guy who used to play for the eagles and he is really attractive.However ,he rushed me through the meal and drinks,saying he wanted to go to my place and “keep me company”.Its ridiculous.He also didn’t pay for my half of the date,and didn’t pay attention to me lol.It was a bad date.

I have a crush on my friend’s brother.

This all seems like mindless drivel.but it helps to get it all out.My emotions are so strong right now. I am mostly happy.I definitely do not want a relationship.Its just too much to worry about. How do I post pictures here ?

I guess I’m gonna work out a little.