Today I’m helping mom with pierogi and know it’s going to set my allergies off. The flour gets in my lungs and it stays there feeling like sandpaper down my throat and nose for days. Can’t ask her to change the recipe and hurt family tradition so I just deal and help her.
Dairy and gluten free makes me feel like such a burden, especially when dating someone new. It’s one reason I dread meeting someone’s family. It’s not a choice…it’s my autoimmune condition that I can’t just ignore. Makes me sad.
I’m sad in general today as my mind is telling me I’m messing everything up. I relapsed half way a couple days ago and am just trying to get back on track. The stomach acid is still messing with me :( Maybe it’s my med. Or this time of the year…or that I can’t access my parts…or that I feel unworthy of love…or that I feel I don’t deserve to reach my goals and be happy…or that I can’t seem to feel my emotions right now. Either way, I feel like a failure. Anything similar happened in September with the same behavior minus some intensity. I was on the same med at that time too. Dunno. Finally find something that works and it activates my eating disorders. I NEED my drill sergeant that is always worried about gaining weight. Without her, I’m out of control always.
I’m trying to write again, but without Mandy front and center, my stories don’t write themselves.
At least saying what I would to Emily still works,
Hey, it’s okay.
117 five days ago. 120 three days ago…won’t weigh until after my cycle to see where I’m at and then damage control in rounds. Smoothie diet you work and I love you for that.
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