Healthy Love in Beginnings

My marriage started out good. It was just the two of us and L did love me. I loved her as well. As the years went on her depression worsened. The kids made things more difficult and then my major cancer surgery was the beginning of the end. She made it about her. When I was in the hospital, she called one day and yelled at me "What am I going to tell the kids." Not how are you feeling?  The next 14 years grew worse to the point that the last 9 or so she never touched me. She pulled away from the morning kiss as I left for work, then she piled pillows between us in bed (pillow wall I called it). Then ultimately the divorce. Besides the issue with the kids, I was happier without her. I finally got to focus on myself, though one question lingers to this day. "What was I not worth loving?" 

Fast forward to 2024 and on Labor Day weekend, I went out to meet a woman for wings and beer. We were both in a chat group for singles on Facebook earlier in the week. I wasn't posting, just doing my work, but would glance over once in a while. I saw her message asking if people had "stories from being a manager." I've been a manager since 1995 and have plenty of stories. How about we meet for a drink and talk about it.  I never thought it was a date or anything. I figured I'd tell her some stories, we'd have a beer and be heading home after an hour. Two and a half hours later we were still talking and laughing.  We went on a second date, then a third and it snowballed from there.

We are some 16 months into our relationship and I'm happy. She's wonderful. She supports me emotional, physically and sexually. There are times when I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for her to say "just kidding". Waiting for the PTSD from my marriage to prove itself right.  None of that. This is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. She encourages me. She laughs at my stupid jokes, she hugs me, she holds my hand and she actually wants physical intimacy.  I'm not letting her go. 

I have a romantic streak. I told her about it at the beginning and she said bring it on. So I did. I randomly leave flowers on her car, sometimes with a handmade card telling her all the things I'm thinking. I've picked her up and left a card on the seat. She eagerly opens it. She loves them all and saves them. She takes one flower from each bouquet I give her and she has an arrangement of dried flowers. My flowers. She loves the sweet nothings I whisper in her ear.  She loves it all. 

She has made me feel that I am worthy of love. For that I'll be forever grateful to her and forever love her.  I'm not letting her go, not matter what I have to do.