12-6 in scarlet_dragon

It’s been an ok day so far. Doing the standard usual Saturday activities.Picking up, laundry etc. I’m still debating if I need to order anything else for Christmas or my son’s birthday. I don’t know. Mental capacity is low for wanting to even care about any of it at this point lol. Christmas just doesn’t feel like what it use to be. Probably hasn’t for a good 20 years if I’m honest.
Like I got maybe 20% more excitement back when my son was ages 2-5 but after that it just hasn’t been there. It was nice having a snow day yesterday and all around where we live was super pretty. The roads were fine so I was able to get a few things done outside the house.
I managed to at least sell 3 things on Mercari that were all book related doubles that I accidentally purchased. Yea, I know. I have issues. I also finally called the one physician referral number to see if they could find me a new doctors office to go to since I got booted from the one I had been using because the PA left.
I’m not even sure if this new number they gave me is accepting patients or our insurance but I need a landing pad and soon. Having quite a few issues that I really need to start getting the ball rolling on. I’m kinda wondering if I can skip the first man and go right to getting into the ENT office or not. That’s an issue for a weekday and not a weekend.
My son has been rather stressed out over the state of his room and I’m not sure why he can manage to do everything else other than clean his damn room. It’s like trash styrofoam that for whatever reason it too hard for him to deal with but he spent time picking up his bathroom which we didn’t ask him to deal with.
So I don’t know what’s going on there.
I need to sit down here soon and put together a list of what food items we’ll need for Christmas Day and my son’s birthday and new years day.
I haven’t been feeling super great today. I got a headache and kinda felt hungry even though I had lunch. I ate a banana and some pretzels bites and seem to be feeling a little better.
I’m almost done with 2007 in my great transfer over OpenDiary entries by copy and pasting each one. I have like 12 more years to deal with.
The process has been making me feel depressed. I try to not stop and read each one but certain ones catch my eye and it’s crazy how something that happened 18 years ago to you, you recall it now a completely different way but there it is written in black and white as a whole other way. The entire diary or at least for the last 20 years reads as a depressed, angry, spoiled child. I’d get so angry over the littlest things I’d cry about not getting my way over and over and over again. I thought the shopping really took over after my son was born but no it was really an issue the 2 years before when I’d be by myself for 2-4 weeks at a time and would just go shop to pass the time.
Do I regret not taking that time to at least work or do something else? Yes.
Can I go back and change that? No.
Like I can’t even remember that time frame being by myself for weeks on end. Like now it sounds like the perfect vacation. I think it must have been the newness of married life, wanting to spend it with my husband and him not being there that I didn’t enjoy those quiet moments.
I dunno. Life is funny like that. I don’t know if I’ll get through the entire diary or not but I’ll try. If I do I think I’ll erase it all one last time and be done with it. Then if anything happens to what I have now so be it. I’m tired of old stuff taking up residence in my brain.
Oh well.
I’ve tried to get people to pick up this Christmas stuff for days now and I’m about ready to just put it at the curb. I’m also thinking of just taking a bunch of these other items I own and start putting them all for sale.I know I get this way and then start giving away a bunch of stuff or selling it only to fill the house back up again later. If I do this now things have to change. I dont want anyone else dealing with this.
Like I spent money to buy old issues of a magazine I had as teenager in the 90s. For nostalgia reasons. But I looked at them when they came here and then they’ve sat on a shelf now. So is it really the best use of space? Will I look at them again? I could probably get 50.00 for them and I’d use that more than them gathering dust in my house.
I also haven’t touched a book in weeks and weeks. But I’ve bought plenty. I need to start reading again.
Anyways, this entry turned out to be a big giant word vomit and sounds mostly like I’m complaining again. 2026 needs to be my therapy year.