I can’t think of many moments in my life where I’ve been truly terrified… but the one that is sticking out is when I didn’t know if they would get there in time.
One night I got a text from a friend. She said she was saying her goodbyes. That she was done. I was talking to her via text for a while, trying to convince her that she didn’t need to do that, that there was so much to have hope for, to live for, how amazing she was. It wasn’t working. She told me her battery was dying on her phone, and I asked her to plug it up to charge and call me when she woke up… and she refused. Told me no, that she was done, it was over. Then she stopped answering me.
I really didn’t have a choice on what to do. I know what it’s like to want to die. I know how it feels to want to make the pain stop. I have been there. I’ve sat there and sliced my wrists open. I’ve sat there with a 9mm and not had enough strength to chamber a round… and I knew she was serious. But I couldn’t get to her. So… I called the police where she was to get them to go check on her. I didn’t have her address with me or anything… just her full name. I told them what was going on… then I waited.
Waiting is it’s own kind of hell. It seemed like forever, but I got a call back after what seemed an eternity. I don’t remember much of what they said, other than she was alive. They told me where they were taking her for medical care, but I don’t remember where. I don’t remember anything other than she was alive. I was so relieved to hear that, that none of the rest mattered at that moment.
Then, the other wait began. I didn’t know if she was okay, and I didn’t know where to call to find out. I didn’t have any way to get in touch with her. For days, I would scour all the local news and even obituaries, looking for her name… with this dread in my heart that I can’t even begin to express. I wondered if she was angry with me… for interfering… but I would have rather her been alive and hated me, than have loved me in death. But yes, she did get in touch with me and let me know where she had been and that she was okay.
That was several years ago… and today that friend is my exquisite Wifey. That part came later on at some point after that, but it seems like she’s been Wifey forever.
She is strong in so many ways I am not. She has the most amazing soul and heart. The world is a better place simply because she is in it. She gives me hope. She is beautiful in every sense of the word. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.
Because of her, I know that I am loved, even at my worst and not only my best. I know that I can’t give up, I have to keep trying even when I don’t feel like I have it in me. She is always there, encouraging me, giving me the moral support I need sometimes, even when I won’t admit it. She personifies the word “Love” in so many ways.
She says I saved her… but I think she’s saved me, so many times. She’s been my rock when I needed it, my life preserver when I was drowning, and has been there to hold my hand when I didn’t want to be alone, figuratively. One day… I will meet her. I can’t wait for that day. I always have her in my thoughts, no matter how far away. I will always love her, no matter what… always.
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