Heartbeat of fear in Poems

They tell me to be better,
to brighten my view,
To smile through the struggle,
like they all do.
They say “You’re not trying, you’re wasting your days,”
But they don’t see the battle that hides in my haze.
They don’t hear the noise that screams in my mind,
Or the strength it takes to just stay kind.
They think it’s a choice,
this silence, this weight—
But I never once asked for this heavy state.

They tell me “be positive,”
like flipping a light,
As if darkness obeys just because I might.
They say “We’re struggling too,”
and I know that’s true,
But I’m drowning, and their words are waves crashing through.
I try to explain but it all feels wrong,
My voice breaks short while their judgment’s strong.
And the guilt in their eyes becomes my own,
Another reminder—I’m painfully alone.

I’m tired of my mind, of its endless fight,
Of being exhausted from morning to night.
They don’t see why I’m always so worn,
Why every day feels twice as long as it’s born.
Getting out of bed is a climb too steep,
Even after hours and hours of sleep.
It’s not just tired — it’s bone-deep ache,
A heaviness even rest can’t break.

And still the water is above my head,
Each small step feels like I’m misled.
My thoughts keep spinning, my focus slips,
While others move through life with easy grips.
They laugh, they run, they shine, they play,
And I just struggle to make it through the day.

Doing things others find small and plain,
Feels like dragging through mud and rain.
Eating, showering, brushing my hair —
Simple acts, yet I just stare.
Because the noise in my head never stops its spin,
It mocks, it doubts, it claws within.
And every move becomes a test,
With my thoughts as judge,
never letting me rest.

The world outside feels sharp and loud,
Each glance a dagger, each voice a crowd.
I walk in rooms and feel on stage,
Trapped inside my anxious cage.
The spotlight burns, it finds my flaws,
My trembling hands, my fidgeted pause.
It whispers, “They see it, they know, they stare,”
And suddenly I’m gasping for air.

It’s tiring to think of every breath,
Of how I walk, of how I’m dressed.
My mind replays each word I say,
Tears it apart in its cruel way.
Even when I’m calm, I’m not at peace,
My nerves won’t grant me a small release.
I’m aware of everything, all the time,
Every look, every tone, every possible sign.

And when I’m with people, my brain’s split in two,
One part living, one part reviewing what I do.
“Was that dumb?” “Did I laugh too loud?”
“Do I blend in, or stand out in the crowd?”
It’s like juggling thoughts while trying to stand,
All shaking heart and trembling hand.
It’s living in fear of being seen,
By eyes that might not even mean
The things I tell myself they do—
But my mind insists, “They’re judging you.”

And by the time the day is done,
I’ve fought a war and never won.
My body’s there, but my soul feels fried,
So tired of fighting what’s inside.
Even joy feels heavy, a fleeting guest,
Anxiety never lets me rest.
I long for quiet, for peace of mind,
But silence is something I can’t find.

Because anxiety’s lonely, it locks me inside,
I’m my own worst enemy, nowhere to hide.
I live in my head, it’s a constant spin,
Every thought too loud, too cruel, too thin.
It whispers
“You’re failing, you’re weak, you’re small,”
And I believe it—
God, I believe it all.
Even though I know I’m not the only one,
Thousands feel this too,
and still come undone.

They say, “Get out of bed, you’ll feel brand new,”
But every morning’s a mountain I crawl through.
Ten hours of sleep, yet I wake so drained,
My body’s rested, my soul’s still chained.
And when I rise, the voices start,
Critics living inside my heart.
Every step feels wrong, too slow, too late,
Like my mind and body can’t communicate.

They say betrayal cuts when someone deceives,
When trust is broken,
hearts grieve and leave.
But nobody speaks of the mind’s cruel game,
How it twists your joy, ignites your shame.

It turns calm moments into mountains to climb,
Rewrites your heartbeat, steals your time.
It whispers “You’re not enough, you’ll never make it,”
And every small victory feels like you fake it.
This silent traitor lives inside your head,
A betrayal unseen, yet felt with dread.

But then I move—
and something shifts.
When I run, my spirit lifts.
My heart starts to race in a good kind of way,
It beats like music, not panic or dismay.
Each breath feels earned,
each stride feels clear,
For once, I’m not suffocating in fear.
It’s rhythm, release, the world and me,
For that fleeting moment—I’m truly free.

Because when I’m stressed,
it’s a different beat,
A pounding heart that means defeat.
It’s tight, it’s trapped, like I can’t escape,
Like fear’s got me locked in an endless shape.
But when I sport, it’s life that sings,
My pulse reminds me I still have wings.
That I can feel joy, that I can be,
Not just survive—
but live
and breathe.

I am kind to everyone but me,
Their mistakes I forgive so easily.
But when it’s mine, I turn to stone,
I tear myself apart alone.
They say “Others have it worse, you see,”
As if that cancels out my misery.
Pain is not a race to win,
We all just want a way to begin.

I’m in therapy, I’m trying to grow,
But healing’s not fast, it’s painfully slow.
And every time I start to speak,
I’m told my weakness makes them weak.
I need to focus, to fix what’s inside,
Without feeling guilty, or run and hide.
They’re supposed to lift,
but they just weigh,
And I’m left breaking, day by day.

I don’t need answers, I don’t need a cure,
Just someone to listen, to see I’m unsure.
Not to blame, not to compare,
Just to stand beside me—
be aware.
I’m not lazy, not lost by choice,
I’m just tired of fighting my own voice.
And maybe one day, they’ll understand why—
Trying to live is how I try.

But living for me is not the same
As those who move without this flame.
For them, life’s air is light and free,
Their hearts beat fast with pure ecstasy.
They laugh out loud without a care,
Their cages open—
or never there.
Their freedom hums in every sigh,
No fear of falling from the sky.

But living for me is a fragile art,
A trembling pulse, a racing heart.
It’s flight or fright from dusk till dawn,
A battle fought, but never gone.
When my heart beats fast, I have to guess—
Is it joy this time, or fear, or stress?
Is this the moment I break again,
Or can I breathe beyond the pain?

While others soar with wings spread wide,
I watch behind my cage inside.
Its bars are fear, its lock is shame,
Its darkness whispers my own name.
Maybe my heart built walls to stay,
To keep the hurt and guilt away.
If I lock myself, I won’t be seen,
Won’t break their hearts by being me.

And maybe that’s why I live this way—
Hiding the storm so they’re okay.
But still, I hope they’ll one day see,
That living looks different for someone like me.
They fly in freedom, while I survive,
Yet still—
I’m here, I’m breathing, I’m alive.