At some point you have to stop letting yourself get beat up and pushed under the rug. It's very hard when you love someone not to allow them to run over you to do the things that make them happy but at the same time sacrificing yourself and your happiness.
When you are with someone especially for an extended amount of years and have kids or a family together the dynamics become a little bit stickier when things happen that you don't plan for, especially when they hurt your heart and soul.
Sometimes you see the red flags for a long time and sometimes you are blind to them. Often times it's because you see who that person has the potential to be and not the version of them that they are giving to you in the current moment. Those are not the same.
Truth is they can be that person, but they have to want to be. That's part of what is intriguing as coming here as a human is the idea of FREE WILL. You have to allow them to figure that out themselves and unfortunately sometimes one party gets hurt when that happens.
What I have realized throughout all of this is that I was very low on confidence and self-worth for the past few years. Especially since I had my kid. It's taken me a long time to figure out who this new me is, on top of going through a massive awakening and then life unfolding the way it has been this year.
The one thing that I can tell you is. I see me.
My feelings matter. My boundaries matter.
I am not replaceable. I matter.
I also see that it is not my responsibility to show someone else how important or irreplicable I am. They either see it while I am here, or they will see it after I'm gone and if there is one thing about me in my entire life is when I'm gone, I'm gone. I don't come back. It takes me a lot to get to that point but here we are. My self-worth is screaming I want someone to love me so much they can't help but show everyone. I want someone who is proud to be with me.
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