Sometimes you don't realize the small things that feel much bigger than you would ever expect them to. Something so small as someone hearing you sing in the shower.
When I first got together with the person I literally always wanted to be with I was none the less infatuated with everything about him and us and I used to always listen to him sing while he was in the shower and I would make videos and post them on TikTok because I thought he was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. I still do.
I don't post those moments as much anymore. Sometimes I feel like maybe I am violating someone else's privacy now that were in so deep? Maybe for some reason I feel like he didn't want me to. I used to show him off all the time until it felt like it was dangerous to. I went from wanting to show everyone what was proud was mine to I'm afraid he'll leave me for someone better if he knows better wants him too. There were a lot of reasons I started feeling insecure through the years, but I am changing that now. I know my worth and I know that if someone wants to be with me, I need that validation that I don't have to worry about that. I think that for a long time I felt like there was a carrot dangled that other rabbits were also still having access to and it started making me feel different about myself little by little. I have to have a security and stable ground to grow on and It's in knowing that he is continuously only choosing me and only me just like I am him that gives me that. I deserve that.
He thinks I don't listen to him anymore. What he doesn't know is I do. When he showers in the bedroom I lay there quietly and listen still. When he showers in the other bathroom, I will mute the living room tv and tip toe down the hallway passed our 5-year-old, so she doesn't alert him I'm creeping in and listening.
I listen to everything he sings still unless I'm busy or meditating or need focus on something. I listen for every song he chooses to sing and how he sings it. Is it strong and from the heart or is it soft and sad. Is he singing that about me sometimes I wonder.
I'll always listen to him sing. I hope it's one of the last things I ever hear.
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