I'm learning how to approach mirrored relationships.
What I mean by that is usually things that trigger you in other people are things you need to work on in yourself. I find a lot that in my relationship specifically with my boyfriend, fiancé, baby daddy, whatever you want to call him that we mirror each other often.
The wild part about it is when we notice it you can tell that it drives both of us insane.
When I see or hear him doing something that he has told me not to do or complains that I do something I know he does it drives me absolutely bonkers and I sit here and ask myself why I even care? I care because I feel like he doesn't have to live up to the same standards that he sets for me and that I literally just came up with and never thought about it a second before. However, the second that I try to point that out I get stopped for changing things to about me when it isn't about me...and he's right it's not. What I have noticed though is there is no right time to say something like that. If you don't say it, then it doesn't hold as much meaning and its forgotten or told it never happened yada yada. It's like I am also working really hard to stop interrupting and it's very hard for me. I really am trying to listen to understand now and not just to respond. I realize that those are 2 very different things and I have always listened to respond because I immediately want to help when sometimes I need to listen to listen.
That my fellow humans is what growth looks like.
No but in all seriousness, it is the same way the other way around. I also am guilty of doing things that I say something to him about. Were both human, its ok. It is hard to constantly reflect each other the way we do though all the time. We are constantly challenging each other to grow and that in itself is beautiful and shows that this is a relationship that can literally withhold any and all infinite amount of time because there is continued growth and expansion and unconditional love underneath everything else. All the arguments, and hurtful words and actions are from us being hurt ourselves.
The sad thing here is we all just want to be loved unconditionally. We want to walk in a room, and no one judge us but accept us for who we are. We want people to genuinely care about who we are and what makes us who we are but as we are growing up and learning who that person is, weve had people telling us it's wrong to feel things, wrong to talk about things. Weve had people who have left us feeling abandoned and unworthy. People lie and they cheat because they are afraid to face who they are and the love that they never knew or were taught how to receive in the correct way. People copy what they are taught until they are strong enough to realize it's time to change.
The only way out is to face it and heal. That goes for anything in life. You can't hide your emotions and nothing you feel is unvalidated, but you have to feel it.
Cry, Scream, Kick, Run, Stomp, whatever you feel you need to do in the moment to allow things to flow through you and not be stuck. When someone makes you feel some way stop and ask yourself, do I do that? Am I guilty also? Why does it bother me so much? Are they hurting you or just annoying me and why?
The only way out is in and having a partner who is a damn near direct reflection the further along on this path I get is sometimes the hardest thing that I think I have ever experienced in my life. Some days seem nearly impossible but most days; I have never been more grateful for one single person in my entire life. With all the emotions and love this person has brought me over so many years of my life have come so many lessons and with that I have grown so much as a person. Even in hard times I am thankful for him showing me things even about myself I have never been aware of and that is a very very hard truth to face.
Maybe that's why I love him so much. I am addicted to growth and even now every day of my life he helps make me better.
Thank you,
I love you,
Namaste.
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