Here lately sometimes I feel like it is difficult to keep my emotions out of the way when I am trying to hold space for someone else to voice theirs. I have a very hard time listening. I don't know that I always used to be that way, but I definitely have a hard time listening now. It's not that I don't care but if I find something not interesting it doesn't stick. I won't remember. This is part of why I never became a nurse, lawyer, or anything else that requires that kind of memory on things that are just not in my ballpark.
I genuinely always want to be a safe place for someone to speak, be open, problem solve, vent etc. Whatever it is that they may need I want them to feel safe doing that around, to, or with me etc. However, when I am holding space for someone close to me it is a little more difficult. I have to sort of split myself in half and half of me listen to what they are saying with no judgement so if they are looking for a response it isn't biased in anyway and is my actual advice as it would be an outsider giving it.
When that part is said and done though I still have to process things that I have heard or seen or discovered about this person. Even though they confide in me I still have to process as the other half of myself on the side that personally knows them and how it does or doesn't affect my life and/or our relationship.
Sometimes it's hard to be both people. Sometimes it's hard to be both people when the other person is letting you in on their most vulnerable moments but at the same time its shock to your system. Sometimes that doesn't always end up being a healthy situation because emotions are then involved and that safe space you were holding for them doesn't seem so safe anymore because you had no one to sit with you through your emotions on it. Sometimes that comes out as being impatient, saying things you don't mean or regret, accidentally hurting someone without thinking before you speak, or even taking actions, you didn't think through beforehand.
It is such a beautiful thing to hold space for someone without judgement, but don't forget that you deserve for someone to hold space for you too. Just because someone is going through something big and you are there for it with them does not negate the fact that you may also need someone on your end of it. You have emotions and feelings that also matter just as much, just because it doesn't seem as an extreme vulnerability or feeling as what they feel they are going through doesn't mean it isn't.
You cannot gauge someone's pain, or emotions based off of any one scenario or person. Everyone deserves to be listened to without judgement. Everyone deserves a safe space.
Now that makes sense.
thank you, I love you, namaste.
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