For just under a decade perhaps, Mom essentially neglected her health, both medical and I suppose, dental as well. After having developed what she considered to be an intense arthritis in one of her knees, she eventually stopped walking entirely. She knew what having arthritis entailed and because her mother suffered from and battled this very condition for decades, Mom knew that if there was one thing she could expect, it would be pain and potentially, lots of it. If there was one thing Mom did not tolerate well, it would be pain. Maybe that's where I get my own low threshold for pain? When that arthritis in her knee really set in and became something that Mom could no longer ignore, she made a decision that would permanently change the course of her life. Her decision to stop walking was preceded by her deliberately choosing not to physically get out of bed anymore. Hours would give way to days. Days transitioned into weeks. Days led to weeks and weeks became months. Eventually she would remain happily bedridden for the last maybe four years of her life. Mom was always the type to do things on her own terms, I guess you could say. The pain in her knee and maybe both knees was such that she figured that the best thing she could do to avoid that pain was to stop putting weight on her knees completely and forego walking altogether.
I want to mention that Mom was a larger woman and for my entire life, I had always known her to be large. I suppose you could say "obese" and I will not challenge that terminology. That's what it said on her death certificate anyway. Actually, if I'm being completely accurate, her death certificate referred to her as being "morbidly obese". She weighed 430 pounds when she died, so I don't think I'd have much of a leg to stand on (if you'll pardon the expression) to even considering being offended by that kind of wording.
I mention Mom being obese because that too was a contributing factor to her death. So, Mom remained bedridden for years. I don't know when these developed, but if I'm making an educated guess, it had to be sometime in 2018 that she developed these massive bed sores. The skin on her back had effectively torn and gradually started separating from itself. Little did the family know, but as much as wound care staff had gone through the motions to clean and dress these bed sores on a daily basis, these sores would never fully close or come close to healing. My guess is that even with slightest of movements, like when she would sit up or try to sit up, she would end up tearing the skin open all over again.
In the end, Mom would die of sepsis and multiple organ failure at the age of 67. A part of me wonders if had she known in 2014 that her decision to stop moving would lead to her coming down with sepsis, if it would have made her change her mind then and perhaps lead to her doing something differently, as far as her mobility. Instead, she lived her last years lying down, watching TV and spending her days connected to the world through the use of a tablet. She maintained a somewhat active presence on social media and communicated with others by e-mail. She had a cell phone that she would use to make calls and send text messages.
Why am I even writing this? Well, as we approach October and the anniversary of her death, I feel compelled to write about her last days and even her last years. I also write this as a sort of warning to myself and others that even if we're in pain, we can't just ignore our health and just stop "doing" because something hurts.
In taking that advice, I have decided to continue monitoring my health and making regular trips to my doctor, dentist, and any other health professional to whom I have been referred. In some weird way, I want to think that Mom would be proud of me for doing just that. She took excellent care of me while I was growing up. I figured that I'd assume that responsibility and continue to take care of myself, you know, in her place. Call me responsible that way.
I saw the dentist last week and I'll be seeing her again in about two weeks. I go to the doctor in two weeks to have my spinal stenosis looked at. Today, I visited the eye specialist for my annual eyeball checkup. I have a thinning retina and there is a family history of retinal detachment and when you add diabetes to the mix, suffice it to say that I am definitely at high-risk.
Thankfully, amidst my various health conditions and struggles, I am healthy. My diabetes is under control. My retinas might be thin, but they're still intact. None of my teeth hurt, though I will need a crown at some point. I guess I should be grateful that I don't have arthritis. Should I come down with arthritis in the future, I'll deal with that accordingly.
A part of me wished that Mom addressed her arthritis, but she was so set in her ways, that in some way, I'm not entirely surprised that things played out the way they did.
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