In the Dumps in scarlet_dragon

The depression is sinking in deep today. I am in the middle of a conversation with a wellness doctor on instagram. I’m sure they’ll offer to help me out for the low, low cost of a ton of money I’m sure. I need to do something though. I feel like my hormones are so out of whack it’s what’s causing a lot of these issues.
I know they call it doom scrolling for a reason. My algorithms are set to throw anything having to do with perimenopause and menopause in my face. So of course every little thing I see I think I’m having that issue. Am I? I don’t know. I do know I don’t feel well. I especially hate feeling like this. Irritatability 10 fold. I can just feel rage when my son starts talking about nothing in particular. I know that’s not normal to feel that way. I’ve been able to not completely snap at people but I shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I also have years and years of anxiety surrounding doctors saying things are fine or not being able to even be seen by a doctor when I try etc. I’ll try mentioning these issues to family or friends and they’re like you should keep trying different doctors until you get one that listens. Is this a luxury most people have? Like there’s only so many doctors where I live that take our insurance. So I can’t just shop all over. I also don’t have $ to just pay outright.
I guess the one thing I do know is sitting here not doing anything isn’t helping. Not talking to my spouse about these issues either isn’t helping. I have issues with that lately because his attention span wonders. As the years progress on his meds for PTSD I see all these changes that aren’t always great. Like sure no more anger at everything and anything but it also shut off his ability to give a crap about anything, even his family. I also don’t know how to approach certain conversations without sounding accusing. Because no one responds well to someone saying, you’re doing this, or you’re doing that
Anyways that’s my current struggles
I ran to the UPS store this afternoon because I needed to do two old navy returns. Returned 2 pairs of jeans and a sweatshirt and got like 90.00 back. I was trying to find new jeans for my son for back to school because I refused to buy him anymore Levi’s because the last 2-3 times I spent 100.00 a pair on them they ripped within 2 months and it wasn’t like it was my sons’ fault. They gave me replacement $ on them but I shouldn’t have to do that with 100.00 jeans. So I was trying to find other options.
I ordered a preorder gift for my husband for either his birthday or our anniversary. And placed a small order for one thing for my son for Christmas or his birthday. I’m trying to get some of the heavy buying doing earlier this year.
I’m just struggling to find enjoyment in anything some of these days. Like what’s the whole point of it anymore? Yes I know I have a son and a husband but based on the last 5 years my husbands interest in me is at like a 10% at best. I never would have thought this is what my late 30s would be.