two days ago, we broke up… again. and although we had both made our adjustments (or maybe it’s one-sided on my part), we found ourselves arguing and hurting over the same things as before. it hurts, but not as bad as you first left me. this time, i’m actually sure of leaving you. i’m sure of moving forward even if it means only reminiscing what we had, and wishing what could have been—because if you truly were as good a partner you promised, we wouldn’t be here for a second or third time.
i believe i have exhausted all of my efforts into loving you, even if it came to a point of shrinking myself or lowering the already dwindling standards i had. i gave up so much of myself in trying to make you understand what i truly felt. i know i never failed in being honest in terms of that. yet even after all of this, perhaps one’s honesty and efforts to make a relationship work can only go so far if it isn’t meant halfway. this time i’m leaving with a vision to leave it all behind me. when i stopped trying to make you understand, when i stopped trying to be heard, when i stopped arguing, perhaps was when i realized you could never care about us as hopefully as i did.
it hurts, and i miss you so much, and i miss your silly little cat memes. i miss how you talked to me about your boring summer days. i miss the food photos. i miss all of the “good morning”s, “good night”s, and “i love you”s. i’ll miss coming home to your arms. i’ll miss our random conversations in dimly-lit rooms. i’ll miss staring right into your eyes only for you to kiss me like i’ll disappear if you didn’t hold me. i wish i could say i still love you to your face one more time but you gave up on us. i wanted to believe you loved me more than i did. i really wanted it to be you in the end. right now, i really wish it could rain really, really hard so they don’t hear me sobbing.
i miss you. but i miss my peace more. i miss who i used to be before us. i miss myself. i hope losing me was worth it for you, too. i’d want nothing more but the best for you. and i pray you find a love so magical that it inspires you to change as well.
i love you but i think i’ll choose to love myself first this time.
Loading comments...