(A fireside retelling by the goblin cousins)
The fire popped and cracked, sending sparks up into the mist thick holler sky. The goblin cousins sat in a loose circle, backs against log stumps, legs stretched out, a few of them nursing bruises from the day’s training. Some were roasting marshmallows stolen from a human campsite. Cletus had stolen a mason jar of Uncle Kinxy’s moonshine and was passing it around. Ellie turned up her nose when it got to her. Uncle Kinxy’s moonshine stash was strictly off limits to the goblin cousins, but that didn’t stop Cletus from getting into it.
Somewhere in the distance, Bacon the pig grunted softly, probably dreaming of justice.
Cletus poked the fire with a stick, eyes glinting like he had somethin’ sharp to say, and took a swig of the moonshine before speaking.
“You ever wonder how Kinxy got here?” he asked, tossing a twig into the flames like he was tossin’ a challenge.
Ellie Mae didn’t look up from polishing her crossbow. “He’s from down under, a land called Oz. You know that. And it’s Uncle Kinxy, Cletus. Best not let Ma hear your disrespect. You’ll get the soap.”
Cletus scoffed. “Yeah, but how’d he get here, Ellie?” He leaned forward, voice low and dramatic. “You ever ask yourself why Pa didn’t question it? Just looked at him and said, ‘You kin now’? Sounds awful convenient.”
Looty snorted. “Maybe he is kin. Some of us are kin in the human kind of way. Maybe he’s Pa’s cousin or half-brother or…..”
“….illegitimate son,” Cletus cut in, eyes wide. He took another swig and handed the jar to Mo.
RG choked on his marshmallow. “You sayin’ Pa got some foreign lovechild from the bush?”
Nickie started laughing "Ain't possible."
“I’m sayin’,” Cletus said, “Pa disappeared for a spell when he was younger. I’ve heard old timers talk about it. No one knew where he went.”
Ellie finally looked up and rolled her eyes. “That story’s just holler talk.”
“No, listen,” Cletus pressed on. “What if Pa stowed away on a human ship? Tried to steal somethin’, I dunno, like moon batteries or copper pipes or somethin’.? Didn’t get off in time, ended up across the sea. In Oz. Desert goblin country.”
“He wouldn’t last a week in the heat,” JT said, frowning. “Pa’s mountain stock.”
“That’s where it gets wild,” said Mo, eyes wide and loving every second. “They say he found bush goblins there. Wild ones. Fast. Built potions from dirt and beetle guts.”
“Married a snake witch,” added Alexis. “Wore bones for earrings. I heard that too.”
Nickie, ever the skeptic, raised a brow. “You heard it because Cletus made it up five minutes ago.”
“I did not! It’s clan folklore now!” Cletus declared. He took the moonshine back from Mo and took another swig.
“Goblins don’t marry. They pair up.” Ellie added. “Don’t you ever do your studies?”
“I study plenty, Ellie one star,” Cletus shot back. “I study Kinxy’s moonshine methods and war.” He shoved the jar in her face. “Come on, Ellie Mae. Take a sip, break a rule. Won’t hurt ya and might even make ya more toleratin’.”
Ellie smacked the jar away and glared at him. “I got one star the one time! You stupidly attacked a camp way more advanced than you.”
“Almost got the one star,” Cletus bragged, taking yet another swig. “You should try it, Ellie. Might toughen you up. Come out from under Ma’s skirts.”
Ellie stewed but said nothing.
“I bet Uncle Kinxy don’t even know,” Eri murmured. “Or maybe he don’t know Pa’s his Pa.”
“I heard,” RG chimed in, “that Uncle Kinxy showed up with a jug, a possum, and a scar shaped like the southern constellation of Warbelly.”
“Don’t even exist,” Nickie muttered, rolling her eyes and nudging Ellie Mae.
“He brought his own boots,” Mo whispered reverently. “Tattered as they were. Pa even gave him new boots so he could boot properly.”
Ellie stood up and dusted off her skirt. “You’re all ridiculous. There’s no way Pa stowed away on a ship, crossed the sea, found a snake witch, had a goblin baby, and came back to build a clan, then the goblin baby made its way over years later. So dumb.”
Cletus grinned. “But if he did… that’d make Kinxy Pa’s son.”
They all went quiet for a moment, the fire flickering between them.
Then Mo spoke up, “I mean, he does call him Pa like the rest of us do.”
“So what?” challenged Ellie, clearly done with the nonsense.
Nickie chimed in. “He also calls Ma, 'Ma'. And she ain’t his real Ma! Ma even calls Pa, 'Pa!' and he ain’t her Pa neither!”
Suddenly, from behind the trees, came Uncle Kinxy’s unmistakable accented voice, casual and slow:
“I heard y’all talkin’.”
Cletus dropped his stick and sat down real quick, hiding the jar of stolen moonshine behind the log he was sitting on.
Uncle Kinxy stepped out from the shadows, possum on one shoulder, jug in hand, and a smirk twitchin’ under his beard. “Reckon if I am his son, I oughta get the bigger shed.”
Ellie sighed.
“Get to bed, Cletus,” she said.
But Cletus just grinned and whispered as he passed her, “You know it’s true. And stop bossin’.”
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