The chaos in Life

The chaos is on going between the crazy emotions and trying to control them and act normally and be a good girlfriend and remember that things are not his fault. We're both adjusting to this change and it's rough. I'm not sure he fully understands what's going on only because I don't fully understand what's going on either. They tell you about how things are going to be when you start and what to expect but no one tells you what to expect when things start to change because you're getting older and your body is preparing to retire from being able to have kids. It seems especially unfair to have to go through it when you've never had kids. Like it is some sort of cruel joke that you had to go through it to begin with and now your body is just reminding you that you were a failure at being a woman. It's like you sucked at it so now here's a huge life changing thing to announce to you that you failed and now you will never be able to succeed at something you wanted for so long and then once it didn’t happened you convinced yourself and others that you never wanted children because that was easier than facing the truth that you just weren't worthy enough to have them. I know having children isn't what makes you a woman but when everyone your age has kids in their 20s it does make you think why wasn't I worthy enough.