As the weather has improved**, so has my mental condition. Well, a little. Moderately. I can get through a week without getting totally despondent, anyway. I was a big teary mess for a couple of days last month for. . .no reason whatsoever? My husband is a saint. I have no idea how or why he puts up with this. But he does, and I’m grateful.
** I started writing before this utterly maddening heatwave gripped the northeast, right after a storm plowed through our area. People were still dealing with power outages when the heatwave hit. Luckily our power came back fairly quickly so we could provide refuge to family, but ugh. What if we didn’t have power? I’ve started keeping a list of pet-friendly hotels in the area just in case we ever have a multi-day power outage in severe weather again. Our cat is very weak and roughly 300 years old, so I’d be worried about a heatwave taking her out. I’m also very weak and roughly 300 years old, so I’d be worried for myself too. My husband, who is apparently some sort of flame elemental, seems to do just fine in this heat, but even he has a breaking point. Things like this are just going to start happening more and more often.
Other good news: I lost a few pounds! We decided to cut our drinking down a little and that’s helped with both my mental state and waistline, I believe. And as I drink less, I’m less interested in drinking in general, which makes me incredibly lucky. We weren’t drinking every day or anything, but we were definitely doing it more than we should. Even without being capital-A alcoholics, the cancer risks associated with booze (and the rising cancer rate in general) freaks me out a little. I’m a generally unhealthy person, so I figure I need every advantage I can get.
I’ve been trying to get involved more in various Discord groups I’m in, rather than declining invitations due to being so damn shy. It’s ended up in some awkward situations, but mostly pretty good. I’m in a movie club now. And a book club! It’s all very casual and I haven’t made friends with anyone yet, but everyone is pleasant and thoughtful, and even just interacting with people in that capacity helps me feel less isolated. There’s still a ton of days I just don’t feel like interacting with anyone, of course. It does feel good to be taking some steps to fix the cloud hanging over my head, though.
Afterthought: I wish my mood weren’t so dependent on the seasons. I feel so dead in winter. I’m not even remotely outdoorsy, it’s just hormones or whatever. I hate it. I’ve tried embracing the whole cozy winter thing: curling up with a book and a blanket, decorating for Christmas. . .it just doesn’t do it for me. Everything is too grey and bleak. Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. I’m not a cave woman, living at the mercy of the seasons, so I don’t know why my wretched brain thinks I am.
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