Devastated about Mikayla in A LITTLE LIFE

I've found out in the morning that Mikayla from Save A Fox has died. I've watched the video her husband recorded and I can't shake off the grief and devastation. I've been following her for sometime, lately less since I'm not vegan anymore. But thanks to her I was able to volunteer some of my money for rescue animals in the past. It's such a weird feeling because I barely knew her but I grieve her like a friend. It's thanks to her channel that my favorite animal has become a fox. I'm at loss.

The worst part though wasn't the death itself. It was lack of empathy and bullying that I encountered in the comment section. I mean, she was bullied and it was one of the reasons for her passing away and people STILL bully her and her husband. How cruel can you be? How evil to do such a thing? I can't imagine how disturbing  it is for her poor husband to be accused of murdering her by some wannabe crime podcast listeners. This made me want to put off crime podcats for good since maybe it truly distorts your view of terrible events.

I cannot imagine the pain her husband feels and the daughter. And I'm so sorry for the foxes since she was their best friend and there is no language between us that would make us tell them what happened. The poor foxes will forever wonder where she's gone. God, I want to cry just writing it now.

At first I didn't allow myself to grieve because I have the voice at the back of my head saying "it's a stranger on the internet". But I've decided to make myself be sad a little instead of repressing it. Yes, I am allowed to be sad about the passing of another human being even if I didn't know them personally. 

It made me think of the past too. Of the many time I've thought of ending... So I can understand her pain and why she did that. I guess that's the worst, understanding why would someone do such a drastic thing. I'm so sad tho because she was really the sweetest and gentle soul and she didn't deserve to be bullied. I'm crying even at the thought of it. 

I'm seeing my crush today and at first I wanted to pretend like nothing happened but I've thought about it and realised that I'd never be open emotionally if I don't let people see my sadness too. I just don't have the energy to act like everything is okay. It's not. We've lost a beautiful soul and I am grieving and that's alright. I'll go on a walk and think fondly about her.

It all made me think that life is really too precious and short. We never know when our loved ones will die so we may as well live instead of worry. I wish there was something I could do for her and her loved ones, some way of helping. I know I can donate so maybe I'll donate a little money that I have. I don't know. I'm at loss.

Rest in peace, Mikayla