Lately I have been trying so hard to distract myself. To not think about Ashley. To not think about a lot of things. To not worry. I've been trying so many different methods and ways to distract my mind. I feel like I'm hiding from myself. And overall its been working. But I feel like I'm hiding something. I'm burying something. But what is it? I feel on edge because of it. Snappy at work. I'm scared of what will happen if I stop trying to distract my mind. What will happen? Will I cry and be all depressed over Ashley? Is it something completely different?
Honestly I think I'm trying my hardest to not be depressed again. I'm trying to do positive and productive things. Positive and productive thoughts. I'm not trying to hit up old friends who were bad influences in my past. I'm trying so hard to keep positive vibes. Its working. Like I said but it can be exhausting. Trying all the time. When your depressed you are just a zombie. Not really trying anything. Its a sad cold mindset that you don't really realize you are in until you snap out of it and realize how awful it is. You realize you weren't really living. You realize how awesome it is too be happy. Its all tough.
I'm getting a haircut tomorrow. Thank god. It just sort of hit me at work that I have too much hair. So I randomly texted Amanda at work if she could give me one. So I am.
Today was simple. Worked 3-11. Got pretty tired towards the end because I was up listening to music. Tomorrow 3-10:30. Ashley works. Yay. Its so hard to work with her. It just is. I have pictures of her on my phone still and I need to delete them. Something stops me. I NEED TO DELETE THEM THOUGH.
I read some of my book. Its really a good read. Listened to a lot of my music.
Titans play tomorrow. Against the Rams. They're 3-4 but they had a tough three game stretch and are now off a bye week. Hopefully they learned from those top teams they lost to. The rams are definitely beatable. Definitely.
The Sixers are doing sooooo well and I'm happy to see it. Michael Carter-Williams is a beast.
I'll do a BOQ tomorrow.
I'm a kind of a mess. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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