“. I can’t convince someone how to feel or what to think about me. I’ve tried all my life to do that. To make others like me. But honestly you can’t because people believe what they want .”.
The lines up above are from my very first fave writer on Prose box. I hope you don’t mind me stealing a few lines from your entry.
For the most of my adult life this has how ive felt....Ive “lived” my life “pleasing people” where it be family,friend or whomever. I did what they wanted,be how they wanted and just continue to ive and give and give and give. With no reciprocation from anyone.
So lately i find myself “telling off” a few people and not feeling guilty about it. Hell…if i had done it 5 years ago i would have ended up in tears and just bawling my eyes out and apologizing and literally buying something or the other for their forgiveness for speaking my mind. How stupid was i? Apparently pretty stupid in my book. You cant buy love,acceptance or appreciation. You shouldn’t have to be buying those should you?
sigh. Some days i want to scream and scream. smash things,HURT people. I mean not verbally. I mean physically.
Then some days my depression gets the better of me and as much as i try to fight the black abyss ....i lose. then i spiral down into skittish,paranoid 40 year old woman. That feels like the world is ganging up on her.
Am i going crazy?
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