I’m sitting here at my desk, and just above my monitor on the shelf behind it sits a vase of dried roses from the bouquet of flowers that I received from Keith for my birthday last year. In July of LAST YEAR. We hadn’t seen each other in almost a year by that point. And the time before that was about six months. The time before that was maybe six or seven months. I really can’t remember. We still text one another regularly, although it is a bit less than it used to be.
Year before last about broke me with him. It seemed he was doing all he could to be the perfect husband. One thing after another showed up in her SM feed. It always caught me off guard. He used to at least give me a little warning when something may come up that would hurt me. I got no such consideration those times. The thing that always perplexed me though, I would get so mad at him, confront him, tell him what a POS he was but then I could apologize and it would all go back to normal. He wasn’t making any attempt to see me at this point. But he regularly messaged me. Very rarely did we speak on the phone. But he put the effort into keeping in contact with me via text.
This past year, he had been increasingly distant over the past nine months or so. But he was “my person” and anytime there was something going on in my life, he was the first person I reached out to tell about it. Last year, for me personally (emotionally, I should say really) was EXCRUITIATING!!! Starting in late January, I moved back with with my exhusband and youngest son to take care of my exhusband. He was in the last months of his life (altho we didn’t know it at the time) battling kidney cancer. I moved back in because my youngest son who was 20 at the time was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of my exhusband. Not to speak ill of the dead, but he was a classic narcissist. I know that word is thrown around like confetti these days, but he truly was. Once I left, he turned his hate and evil towards our youngest son.
It’s a long story, but on March 2nd of last year, my ex suddenly without warning passed away. He died in the arms of our youngest son. The months following that were without a doubt some of the hardest most heartbreaking days of my life. My youngest moved out on his own an hour away. My oldest graduated from college then played in his Collegiate National Golf Championship, that his team won. All without his Daddy present, his Daddy had been my son’s only golf instructor throughout his whole life. Then in early November it was time that I let our sweet sweet girl, Coco, (my almost 15 year old cocker spaniel) go. Through all these things good and bad, Keith was my person. The one I told everything to. And without fail he was the sweet supportive man in my life. There were bumps along the way, but he always seemed to rally for me when I needed him most…hence the bouquet of flowers for my birthday. He even recommended my oldest son for a job contact and said ‘You can use my name as a reference”.
I could tell that things were a bit off. All he would tell me was that he was having a “bumpy time”. Her SM became increasingly dark and vindictive. In a picture around Halloween I noticed that she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. I just kind of banked it away, but didn’t think much of it. He would never tell me exactly what was going on though. Through the nine months there were times that I got angry with him. And at times I was pretty spiteful. He never would respond or engage when I got mad at time. Hell he hardly even acknowledged that I was mad at him at all.
It got to a point that I was not reaching out to him much at all. I let him be the one to reach out. It created less disappoint for me that way. The week before Christmas we texted a lot. Then on Christmas Eve he pulls the most passive aggressive thing that he does. He messaged me and said “I hope you and the boys have a good Christmas”. That is his way of telling me that I won’t here from him on Christmas. Last year I waited until late in the day on Christmas to message him. “Merry Christmas” I texted. “Thanks” was the reply that I got. And to top it all off, for the 4th time, he said that he would call (the day after Christmas) and didn’t. (The 3rd time he said he would call and didn’t, his explanation was the he wasn’t ready to talk about what was going on in his life) To say that my feelings were hurt is an understatement. I WENT OFF. For three straight days I messaged him and basically told him what a piece of shit he was. Never got a response.
They are part of separate Mardi Gras Krewes where they live. Each have separate Balls for NYE. She was steady posting how excited she was for her ball. I knew that at least one of her friends would post pictures of her (and him, or so I thought). She’s in a picture okay....but with another man. I tried relentlessly tried to pick it apart. Was he a friend, or was he date.
Then for one final try, I sent a message apologizing 100 times for being such a hateful bitch after just assuming that all the lovey dovey things she had been posting FOR FUCKING MONTHS were for him. I mean, I felt (and still feel) like the worst person alive. He responds “Thank You .... ❤️”
A few days go by, I finally get the nerve to message him and ask him just exactly what is going on. He said he’d call me tomorrow and tell me.
So, from what he has told me (and part of it is reading through the lines) sometime in May or June he told her how unhappy he is and that he wants a divorce. She asks him had he been unfaithful. He told her Yes. I asked did she know about me specifically? His emphatic and almost casual answer of NO (the way he said it at least) makes me think there was someone else and she caught him. As of 4 months ago, he moved into his parents lake house ONE HOUR from me (he was 6 hours previously) and they are getting a divorce.
I KNEW OF NONE OF THIS!!!!! FOR NINE FUCKING MONTHS THIS MAN HAS BEEN SEPARATED FROM HIS WIFE, FOR FOUR MONTHS BEEN IN A DIFFERENT GOD DAMN STATE AS HER....AND SAID N.O.T.H.I.N.G. TO ME!!!! As the song goes “Here’s your sign…”
But make it make sense. Until I found out..... he was steady texting me…sending me “because money” THAT I DID NOT ASK FOR OR WANT TO TAKE, sending me flowers for my birthday to make me feel special, letting me use “his name” as reference for my son’s job, and countless other little things in between. She on the other hand, wanted FOR NOTHING!!!!! She lived in a million dollar home on the Gulf Coast, had a million friends, had resources out the ass, saw gulf coast sunsets EVERY GOD DAMN DAY, her children were happy and healthy and wanted for NOTHING. And still she wasn’t happy to the point the she made him so hatefully miserable.
Make it make sense.
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