We’re a week away from the wedding but I’m not overly nervous about it. We’ve been together for so long that I really just see it as a technicality, and since we haven’t planned anything elaborate I’m not worried about whether or not everything goes smoothly. We’re headed to my moms’ place on Saturday morning, having the wedding on Sunday morning, and we’re back in Boston on Monday.
A lot of people in church today asked us about the wedding and I was feeling embarrassed to admit that we’re getting married in the nude. I was never ashamed about that fact until we started going to church and now strangely I am feeling like I should be more modest. I even went shopping last week to get a dress that had sleeves and went to my ankles mostly because that seems like how all the other women at church dress and I was feeling awkward being in a shorter dress.
Three weeks now at this church and it really feels like I want it to be part of our lives. My biggest problem, in all honesty, is that I spent most of my life not believing in God and now suddenly I believe. It’s been a whole paradigm shift for me, and I have started to see the role of God in my life as well as a better understanding about some of the things I have done in my life that were sins.
Last night, for the first time ever, Jayson and I said a prayer before eating dinner. It felt strange but good at the same time.
I also had a long talk with Rachel about it. She supports me for wanting to be part of a church and said she won’t give me a hard time about me wanting to pray and do other religious things, but she did want to remind me that mormons believe that homosexuality is a sin and I would have to find a way to deal with that for myself. Having both a mother and a sister who are lesbians, as well as another sister who is trans, I don’t want them to think that I am judging their lifestyle by becoming mormon.
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