Be Kind; Rewind and Remind. in Elephant Architecture

“Melville found answers in the darkness of Lear. Not in the weak goodness of Albany who thinks to exclude evil from good by a remark as neat and corrective as Eliphaz in The Book of Job:

 Wisdom and goodness to the vile seem vile;
 Filths savor but themselves."

              -Charles Olson, Lear and Moby-Dick

I am happier than I have been in years! I have been receiving positive feedback from fans of my writings. I don’t wish to sound pretentious but feedback from people with respectable careers, degrees and PhDs; that does it for me. I aim for the stars but I am not disappointed if I miss because I still hit targets up high.

I stopped into the local convenience store a day or two ago for some sake. I have ordered a sake warmer and it is on it’s way in the mail. The Owner of the convenience store was in and I said “Hullo” to her. She was busy and she had just bought the place. She also owns the Shell station a block or two away. I used to frequent that store when I worked late on The Strip. I was managing one of those staple pizza joints called Little Italy. There is an entire meal time I never knew about in the pizza business at around 2:30 AM when the bars are closing. I was drinking more often back then and the Shell Station was a frequent stop and I would talk about business and town happenings with the Attendant who also happened to own the place. I truly enjoyed those conversations and camaraderie. He was the new owner and a nice fellow. I had worked there for the previous owner who had a bad habit of leaving me at the cash register until 11:00 AM when I my shift was over at 8:00 AM. Drunk college kids can be real punks to late night workers if you allow them to get to you, at least back then. I feel like the college kids around are much friendlier these days, though. Back then I had drunk kids who would into my kitchen as I was making pizza, and serving a dining room full of drunk kids. I had fights out front and drunk college kids getting lost and ending up in the kitchen with me throwing pies. One time a kid walked into the kitchen, grabbed a whole cheesecake out of the freezer and ate one piece at a time as he walked out the door without paying for it and dropping a trail of pieces along the way.

Anyway, I would chat with T_ at the Shell station after those nights while I was picking up Good People Alabama brewed IPAs and drinking until sunrise. Those were good times. T_ passed away was what I heard a few months ago which was surprising since he wasn’t that much older than I am. I remember he liked grilling food and drinking beer or whiskey in his spare time. So, when I was buying sake, I wanted to tell the Owner I was sorry for her loss but I didn’t wish to bring up bad news upon the good tidings of her new purchase. The Attendant informed me, after the Owner left that T_ had committed suicide. He had a few gas stations, a wife and children.

I truly felt that loss when I first heard about it. I can not say that I hadn’t seen a future where I would have been grilling food and drinking with him someday in our spare time. I am a vegetarian and so I would have been grilling pineapples and peaches with feta cheese and herbs.

It’s raining today so I Ubered to work. I actually wasn’t scheduled to be there…I had mixed up my days on the schedule. So, I walked home. It had basically quit raining by then but still a refreshing drizzle. I actually enjoy bike rides and walks in the pouring rain but I am tired after last winter. I have been feeling so great in the new weather and Spring feelings. Great things are a-happening all around us. Welcome Home by Radical Face is playing in my mind’s ear. It sort of sums up the feeling of new growth, and Alabama Season’s changes; Spring and Autumn. I have beans and lentils soaking in my refrigerator. I should cook my health food soup tonight while I can. It can be dinner for almost a week and I can share it with other folks who need home cooked healthy food. I need onions though. I wonder if the Asian Food Grocery has onions. I stopped by one on the way home. Shallots. I’ll try shallots tonight. A chef moved to town from Florida bringing the shallot wave with him. I also am feeling mushrooms. I picked up some brown beech, oyster and king mushrooms. I am so happy and excited to use this new All Purpose Umami Seasoning made with shitake and onion powder I have found recently by McCormick.

After the grocery, I noticed a Collectible Playing card store where the record store once was. They have tables for tournaments near the back and I recognize a few folks there who used to eat at Little Italy. They were our faithful Anime Club who used to meet over pizza every Tuesday.The one with the crutches used to have us call his name for pizza as “Gimpy”. I used to feel a little awkward about that but those were his wishes. The man running the joint tells me they have all sorts of card tournaments, Magic and Yu-Gi-Oh and so on. I still have my old pokemon cards and check the prices some of my cards would go for. I also still have my old Yu-Gi-Oh deck I worked so hard to build. My little brother and I used to play faithfully together back when we lived at home. While pokemon cards were never very fun to play, Yu-Gi-Oh was exceptionally engaging, took strategy and the show was better too. Saturday morning cartoons and playing cards with my younger brother were such great heights and times. We even had a Yu-Gi-Oh card game for our PS2 which my older brother took to. Playing magical card games in Ancient Egypt was fantastically imaginative for us all. I decide that it’s time that I stop working so much and Actualize my life. I am resolute to join the Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. The saturday morning cartoon of the great games the mysterious Pegasus puts on plays through my mind. I am Yu-Gi. Like Nietzsche’s Ubermensch, I am The Child. I am Actualizing and creating the world I have internalized as I walk home. I am happier than I have been in years. I was The Camel buying giant bags of beans and rice and biking to work. I was The Lion fighting for a stake in this world and now I am The Child again. Is this where folks like T_ get lost? The step after Nietzsche’s Camel and Lion. Maybe T_ just needed to feel like a child again. We are here on this earth paying bills and making financial strides and that is all a part of it but so many forget to Actualize. The step beyond The Lion. Paulo Coelho calls it finding our Personal Legends. Life is an amazing phenomena to experience and sometimes the darkness takes hold while we are fighting and it seems like endless, drudgery, and monotonous fights all the way to the end if we don’t Actualize and create the world that The Child knows exists inside.

And so, I am Yu-Gi-Oh! I will not go gentle into that good night and I will create the world the child in me saw when Saturday Morning cartoons were the best things ever! I will join the tournament. I may even be the Doyle Brunson of Yu-Gi-Oh. I am open to the wonders the world has to offer and believe we can create the world of our dreams and that with the right kind of eyes we recreate the high-water marks that make life worth paying the bills for.

Last updated March 08, 2024