Nobody realizes how hard it is to live with C-PTSD (except those who have it or something similar) until it happens to them. I’d read about PTSD in books & heard about it in TV shows and from family members before. But I never really grasped what it was like until my PTSD turned into C-PTSD and the severity of it sky-rocketed.
I truly believe there is no cure for it, other than when I smoke or hold my boyfriend. I’m serious–I experience no other relief.
All I hear at times is the sound of me…screaming. At the top of my lungs, for help when I was strapped to a chair covered in mace, piss, sweat, tears, and saliva (my own of course) for days without food or water. Imagine having mace sprayed down your throat and not being able to have any form of relief for it. I literally had to let the mace run its course because I couldn’t wash it off, I couldn’t drink milk (I’ve heard that helps idk), and I couldn’t use the restroom. I DID NOT DESERVE THAT. Most people don’t deserve that.
I live with even more than that. I was SA’d multiple times throughout life and endured multiple forms of abuse from parents, ex-friends, and strangers alike. So the screaming that I hear sometimes feels like a reflection of what is left of my sanity.
I guess what my point is…that C-PTSD feels like a death sentence.
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