Conviction.. in Ok!!!

Have you ever been brought to your knees by conviction? Have you ever felt so bad about something you said or did that you just want to stick your head in the sand and let your butte be the target for a while? Have you ever been truly sorry for hurting the one who loves you the most? The one who puts their trust in you? You know that you have let them down. Do you ever just want to fix it but, don’t know how.. Perplexing questions I ask myself. Kind of how I am existing right now. When I let things get out of control. Why can’t we just be ourselves to the utmost? ( I know the answer to that one) Oh, the rigors of the heart of Man. Deep introspect causes me not to like self very much. I know I am a good person without a doubt. Yet this humanity thing grips me by the throat. Paul say’s in Roman 7:15.(paraphrased) Why do I do what I don’t want to do but I do anyway? Oh, wretched man am I? Who will help me? Conviction is a powerful knowledge that things are not right in my heart of hearts. Notice I have not mentioned the word feeling in this letter. It is not a feeling I believe but a knowledge from my Spirit. Discerning my actions or words. It’s like God is taking me to the woodshed for correction. Almost brings me to tears before I ever get to the woodshed. O wretched man am I. Torn inside seeking a soothing touch from my Lord Jesus. I stand before you my Lord a man with conviction in His heart. All I want is a contrite heart. Opportunity’s to love my fellow man. With no inhibitions. I don’t think the majority of people are ready for a servant kind of love. They think when we love them unconditionally that we are working an angle. That we have a hidden agenda. When in reality we just want to show them the love of Christ. So when we build up a little trust in the relationship with one small flippant action or word all that trust goes out the window. I do it to myself. Rest assured, here comes the conviction. This being a man of Christianity is the hardest thing I have ever lived. But, also the most rewarding. Enough, Forgiveness from my God and unconditional love will be my apple butter. This to will pass. Pray for me my brothers and sisters. My ministry needs your concern and faithfulness. I do to.....{{{{HUGS}}}}}