Peculiar Glory in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

Tomorrow is shrinkologist day. I’ve never been so glad for an appointment. Two weeks ago he thought I was having some toxic overload from my Lithium so cut me off it for four days then cut the dose in half. I was happy to get it a try, reluctantly.

My brain has been ramping up for the past few days, or at least that I’ve noticed. At first the little flashes of remarkable insight and brilliance were a bit shocking but I grew use to them. Until today.

I’m “optimized”, my ideal state of being until in the other side of my illness comes crashing in. That might be tomorrow or next week or next month. But if feels familiarly close and crystal clear. I’m organized and thinking ahead of the ball, my mind so far ahead the ball is past home plate while reality and my feet aren’t out of bed to greet the morning of the game.

I decided amid this chaos I’d choose toxicity over being lost in my mind. I’m certain of that choice more than any moment in forty-two years. I’ve earned that right to choose after being the pharmaceutical companies GOTO girl all these years.

Being classified crazy has always had a drawback, I’m positive of it’s truth as I’ve aged. What is really going on in the world is real. Notice and talk about it, ask questions about it, or make noise, bring attention to what you see, that will get you on the crazy regiment and you will be called paranoid.

I only mention that here, never to the shrinkologist. Does not help to attempt being understood. You’re nuts and can’t be understood. Anyway, if they actually listened and possibly believed it would send the whole crazy system tumbling down. Ah, status quo and it’s value.

Had a moment yesterday, a BAM moment while listening to a song. Music always gets up in my soul and works me over. Lyrics can do that too. While having a needed moment with God, feeling like I lost about all the heart I had left a friend shared a favorite song with me. The music and lyrics were meeting my need…then, BAM, God was preachin’ to me personally. His word, spoken aloud is powerful. Amen.

Have a listen, you’ll know what I mean.

Last updated October 08, 2014