Baby dream in In dreams

I had a dream this morning that scared the shit out of me. I dreamt I gave birth to a boy, didn’t even know I was a pregnant and after the birth blake and I were scared shitless on what to do. The dream was actually extremely detailed which most of mine aren’t that detailed and in this one we were discussing a crib or a bassinet, the baby carrier (the one where they’re too small for an actual carseat so its the one where u carry them around in when u go places) and everything else. Omg and its weird because all I felt when the baby came out was literal warmth. And I kept saying after he was born “October 1st, October 1st!” Why I don’t know honestly. I kept trying to figure that part out myself. Yes I had the dream yesterday, October 1st but it’s like I was announcing his birthdate or something. This whole dream made me seriously think of NEVER giving birth or having a kid. I never know if I ever want a kid and im fucking scared that by the time I figure it out it will be too late and i’ll be too old and I’ll lose eggs and i’ll be at that age where the baby has a good chance of getting autism or down syndrome or something. Fuck. But its not like it’s something you can just rush. It isn’t a damn contest and I feel like people make it that way. Maybe I just want to live out my 20’s. What’s the big deal? I feel like I’ll go to a high school reunion one day and everyone there will have their children and I won’t have any. I don’t need children to complete my life but I do feel like I could make a good mother one day. Im just too scared i’ll fuck everything up. Im also scared that the baby would die of sids of being kidnapped or something. Thats how fucking paranoid I am. Really. Im that damn scared. And if anything did happen, I would blame it all on myself. Because I couldn’t protect them. A sweet baby brought into the world only to be ripped out and taken away somehow.

That dream was so fucking real.