With my first pregnancy (Beau), I was 20 years old when I found out. We were living in an apartment barely making ends meet. Always late on rent and easymac and $1 pizzas from wal mart we my nutritional staples. I was with Beaus father, but “with” could change from day to day. He had another person pregnant at the same time, due to deliver just 7 months before Beau was born. I had been dating Travis for almost 5 years, we lived together and were “engaged” (meaning, I had been given a ring, but not with much promise or seriousness behind it) and we were actually trying to get pregnant - had been for a while. We had good days and bad days and honestly, they all ran together and there was an equal amount of each. Occasionally his other girlfriend would pick him up from our house, with me right there upset - he didn’t care. He never once cared about anyone but himself - and that is still true. He would stay out all night, sometimes 2-3 nights and I would hear nothing from him. He would come back home and I would just ignore what had happened. I would pick back up where we left off and never upset him. I wasn’t scared of him physically, but emotionally I knew he would leave me and I would lose the person I loved the most (he was already long gone, just 20 year old me couldn’t see that).
He was at Beaus birth, but left immediately after and didn’t come back for days and only once to the NICU. I met my son and I met a new love, the love that truly is unconditional, one that couldn’t be broken or couldn’t cause hurt or pain. I knew then and there that I could never allow Beau to be hurt or let down by Travis in the ways that I had, and he would do it - I know he would have let him down any chance something better came along.
I packed my stuff and moved back home. Strangely, Travis never tried to contact us much. Beau has not seen him at all since his 3rd birthday party, 6 years ago. Life was hard, but then it wasn’t anymore. It got better. I was independent and then I was married for a few years, then divorced. Then once again moved back home when Beau was 5 after living in Sunny CA for nearly 5 years. A lot happened - nothing significant, just running through motions of life without anything big happening - I would say thats a pretty good outcome from 5 years in California.
I met my current husband March 2011 in NC. Never left his side since then. We started ttc very soon into our relationship, he is 33 and I am 29 and we desperately have both always wanted children. No luck on our own so we tried other methods and no luck with those either. Eventually after being together for almost 2 years we got our first BFP - little did I know Adam had already purchased my engagement ring and on the night that I showed him that positive test he brought it out :-) He had hidden it for about 4 months and figured this was as good as time as any to bring it out.
He stood by my side through everything from the first positive tests of that pregnancy until the purple memory box we were given after our son being still born. He cried with me every day - he listened to me say the same things over and over again. He took care of me, he picked me up when I couldn’t lift myself and he motivated me to move forward. What a difference it makes when you have the right person in your life. I know I have found my match - my “one” - the lifelong other half of me.
He still stands by my side in everything. He has been every type of emotion over this current pregnancy, but he puts my needs and my comforts before his own. He lets his own nervousness go to the side so he can ensure that mine is not creeping up. We are a team and work so flawlessly together. He has helped me create the world and life I want to live in. He has given my son and I comfort and peace and stability and unconditional love. The same unconditional love I realized existed the first time I held Beau, I now can see can come from others also. I am so thankful to have Adam as my partner. He truly does make my life a better place and make my fears and worries go away.
I have been through a lot to get to where I am and I am not proud of every step, but it all aided in obtaining what I have now. We aren’t rich, we don’t have all we want or even all we need sometimes, but we are happy. I never fully understood what people meant when they say “I wouldn’t trade this happiness for a million dollars”, but now I know - this happiness is priceless.
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