Cori and I had a talk last night… it’s been a hectic week but we had a couple hours to unwind so we just laid on the futon and talked.
Of the many topics we spoke about, one was kids. Every time we talk about having children, I just get this feeling that we are never going to be able to afford one comfortably. I know that you can never fully prepare for a kid, and there’s never a “right” time to have one (we would DEFINITELY wait until he’s done with grad school the summer of 2016), and we’ve talked about it a few times in the last couple years…
And honestly I don’t know if I’ll be able to get pregnant, and beyond that, I can’t imagine having the money to adopt, nor do I want to put myself through it. I remember watching my neighbors in Beavercreek (who, at the time, were actually younger than we are now… I think Belinda was 26 and Keith was 28 but both of them had had careers since college–times were different even in the late 1990s) going through the adoption process and… it was rough. Belinda basically went through menopause at 24. Eventually they were able to adopt and now they have, I think, 2 adopted children and foster an additional two, but I don’t think I could do it. All the invasion of privacy, the idea that someone needs to approve of you to be a parent, the money involved, the idea that this is for all intents and purposes YOUR child but there’s still always that chance… I think they went out of state at least three times for a child that the birth parents changed their mind on, and Belinda was crushed each time.
I mean, Ohio’s website says “Adoption brings amazing joys and rewards, but it is a long-term commitment to a child that should be entered into thoughtfully and with preparation.” And all I can think of is all the accidental pregnancies and people who have kids who CAN NOT give them the life they want or need. And I’m not talking about responsible parents who struggle to make ends meet but make sure their child(ren) has food and clothing, but I mean the people that are just straight-up negligent and selfish parents.
You have to attend classes. CLASSES. You need to submit to several background checks. Sometimes you need to write papers or do a video of your life and why you think you’d make a good parent. People will come into your house and do an inspection. You may need to go to court for a preliminary hearing.
Adoptions can cost, total, from $20,000 to $40,000.
Yeah.
It just makes me upset. I don’t think I’ll ever have a kid, my own or an adopted one. And I’m already 27… it’s not that I am in a hurry, but… I’m not even in a career path and I don’t want to go to school anymore. I just don’t. So any job I have is going to be crap, which is ridiculous considering I still do have a Bachelors degree.
Nate, my brother, got engaged right before he turned 27. He was married a month before he turned 28. My sister-in-law is just a year older. Like I said, this isn’t exactly coming from a standpoint of me feeling like I am running out of time, it’s more just that… I don’t think it will happen because we want to be responsible but we also want to be sure we can afford a child, and as it is, having one naturally (if possible) is expensive enough, but adding 20-30 grand if we want to adopt ? I mean, I’ve never even made 20 grand in a year, and even if I worked full time I would maybe barely make that much.
It’s just sad to me. I don’t think about it that often but after we talked about it, it made me think. And I shouldn’t write anything off, I know, but… it’s hard to feel otherwise. I want a child or two with Cori and I’m not in any hurry but I just feel like it’s not going to happen, especially if I can’t get pregnant. It’s kind of unfair. Why do otherwise responsible could-be parents have to get scrutinized and watched and financially drained while a set of irresponsible 16-year-olds have a stupid fling and that’s all they have to do ?
~Rachel
I looked at a couple sites, but this one had a good side-by-side of costs (and actually, an international adoption can be upwards of $50,000)
[http://www.babycenter.com/0_choosing-adoption-cost-benefits-and-risk-of-the-main-options_1373536.bc]
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