I've been wanting to talk to hubby about all the things I wrote about in my last entry, but was afraid to bring it up. So, I copied and pasted it to an email and wrote a few paragrahs before hand to personalize it just for him. I remembered to use my I statements and didn't place all the blame on him.
I know I've made mistakes over the last 6 months to a year. I've owned up to them and taken responiblity for them. BUT I still kiss him and tell him I love him. I'm not getting that from him. If he had never done that I wouldn't be greiving the loss of our marriage. But he did to it once upon a time and then just quit. I am in mourning. I've been going thru the 5 stages of grief.
I don't know how to get back what we once had. I don't know how to find a new balance in what's left. My heart aches. Because of his behavior towards me I talked myself into believing that him and our children would be better off without me. I had life after I was gone all worked out in my head. I figure hubby would remarry quickly. It doesn't matter anymore because I'm still here and I'm working on getting better and finding my self worth. It's a difficult journey when you feel worthless.
Therapy is helping. Which is a good thing.
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